Bulma Briefs's Diary
by MisaKats
Summary: COMPLETE. Read Bulma's Diary and find out what she thinks of her Saiyan guest, her friends, her boyfriend and what a phycho can she be. Oh, Bulma and Vegeta-get-together-during-a- year-in-the-missing-three-years... (oh!... How very original!)
1. New Year's Resolutions

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DISCLAIMER: I do not own Dragon Ball, Dragon Ball Z and Dragon Ball GT

I definetly do not own Bridget Jones's Diary, written by Helen Fielding

This is based on the missing three years… OF COURSE… as usual… anyway. Hope you like it. READ AND REVIEW

Bulma Briefs's Diary

Chapter One

New Year's resolutions

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I WILL NOT

Drink more than five units of alcohol during parties.

Smoke

Buy things I'll never use just to feel how powerful and rich I am

Dress sluttishly around the house, but instead imagine others are watching, such as the Prince Pain-in-the-ass, who caught me wearing tiny little clothes

Take baths without checking if I'm being spied on

Allow in-tray to rage out of control

Fall for any of the following: alcoholics, workaholics, commitment phobics, people with girlfriends of wives, misogynists, megalomaniacs, chauvinists, emotional fuckwits or freeloaders, perverts, massive killers, peeping toms, full-of-muscles martial artists, annoying spiky-haired-full-of-muscles men

Get annoyed with mum, Dad or Yamucha

Yell to the Prince of all Saiyans for no reason

Get upset over my boyfriend's flirty behaviour, but instead be poised and cool ice-queen

Have crushes on bad men, but instead work in my relationship with my own boyfriend to finally base it on mature assessment of character

Lie about my age

Be rolled over by Prince Vegeta

Have anymore nightmares involving kissing certain Prince

Live my life around Vegeta's life

Fantasize about a certain prince, but instead see him just as he is and I'll immediately hate him

Sulk about having a flirty boyfriend, but develop maturity and achieving a grown-up relationship with him and eventually, marriage.

****

I WILL

Stop smoking

Drink no more than five alcohol units during parties

Work out and stop being sedentary

Clean my room and avoid taking food on the bed

Change my haircut more than once a year, since that makes me look younger

Work more hours with dad and try to learn something else

Clean my desk at the lab

Stop believing the world spins around me

Be more patient to mum

Eat more vegetables

Stop saying I'm perfect and rich, it scares potential boyfriends, in case my relationship with Yamucha does not get any further

Yell at Vegeta when he deserves it

Count to TEN before I kick Yamucha on the nuts every time he flirts with a woman

Convince Yamucha to train less and spend more time with me

Help Vegeta more since he will be defending Earth

Stop complaining about Vegeta's demands all the time but try to be considerate since hi is alone in the universe

Form a functional relationship with my boyfriend. If I fail to do so, then it will have to be with any responsible adult

Get up straight away when wake up in the mornings

Give proportions of earnings to charity

Make better use of time

Find the potion for eternal youth

Get a life

Author's note: Next Chapter… JANUARY


	2. January: How did I get here?

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DISCLAIMER: I do not own Dragon Ball, Dragon Ball Z and Dragon Ball GT

I definitely do not own Bridget Jones's Diary, written by Helen Fielding

This is based on the missing three years… OF COURSE… as usual… anyway. Hope you like it. READ AND REVIEW

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Bulma Briefs's Diary

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Chapter Two

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January

How did I get here?

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1 January

120 lbs. (post holiday). Alcohol units: still burning last night party's alcohol. Cigarettes: 21. Calories: don't even want to know.

Food consumed today:

4 large cups of coffee with sugar

11 crackers

1 lice of apple and cinnamon pie

2 large glasses of milk (to get rid of hangover)

2 peanut – butter and jam sandwiches

Morning. Capsule Corporation. Kitchen: Life can be really mean to me sometimes. The last thing I wanted to do that day was to find Vegeta in the kitchen, attacking the fridge, chewing, swallowing, breathing 

Since my hangover begged me for water, I just ignored his guttural sounds and proceeded to get the bottle of still water and immediately left for my lab to catch up with work I had postponed for the holiday.

Before leaving the kitchen, I took a glance at Vegeta, who smirked in return. I couldn't help but wonder how this horrible man ended up sitting in my kitchen, eating my food and sleeping in my house. 

Things had turned out quite badly during our trip to Namek. Fortunately, we were able to escape. 

And it was on that day, on that very day we had returned, that it all begun. It all happened so fast, I didn't have time to think about it twice.

I just kept seeing myself as the most generous woman in the universe. 

Now, inviting the Nameks to stay at home was a good thing to do. But then I asked "the little guy" to stay here as well. BIG MISTAKE… I wish I could travel through time, go back to that day, and kick my own ass.

- You can all stay at my house, it's HUGE!

All the "Woahs" and "greats" and "Thanks so much!" were blinding my perspectives and clouding my mind.

- And you can stay with us too, little one.

ARRRRGGGHHH! IDIOT!

Well, mum and dad couldn't have been happier. 

For mum, the fact that I had lost a boyfriend and replaced him so soon, was a blessing.

- Oh dear! You got yourself a man! Fantastic! And handsome, too!

Unfortunately, she missed Vegeta pointing at her with a ball of energy shinning in the tip of his index finger.

For dad, the fact of having the only survivor of a lost race that had developed amazing technology had him walking in the clouds.

Well, Vegeta didn't stay long. He left without warning the day we wished back Kuririn and Yamucha.

He returned though, after failing in his attempt to find Goku in outer space.

Soon after he had returned, the kid from the future showed up and told us about the androids.

And then, again, as if I had not learnt yet, I decided to let Vegeta stay with us.

Of course, back then (three months ago), my relationship with Yamucha was going just fine and I could still handle my little arguments with Vegeta.

And then, mum had one of "her ideas".

She managed to tell me about it in a most unusual way.

It happened two months ago. It was 7 a.m. when she came into my bedroom.

- Darling, I've been thinking… What is it you want for Christmas? 

- IT'S 7 A.M., FOR FUCK'S SAKE!

- Ah!… I'll make it a surprise then – she chirped while bouncing up and down.

- No… Mum… Cut it out… - I managed to say.

- Alright… What about a new car?

- I… uhm… have my own vehicles, mum

- But they are not suitable for a nice girl like you. You want it convertible, don't you? Red or black?

- Mum…

- Blue then, just like Yumi Katchan's

- Who?

- You know, the daughter of the owner of Katchan's sports supplies. The girl who married that cute tall blonde man 'bout five years ago…

- Mum…

- And she just cannot do without…

- …

- I'll tell your father about the car…

I covered my head with the pillow, hoping to stop listening to her annoying voice.

- I'll wrap it up in shiny paper, just like I'll do with Vegeta's newly improved Gravity Training Room. You know, I just bought some clothes for him. You will help me decorate his new room, will you not dear?

- Ah, uhm, actually – I said – His new what?

She giggled.

- His new room… Remember I told you? I thought that since he'll be staying with us for some time now, That I'd be reaccommodating him in one of the main bedrooms on this side of the building. It's unfair for the handsome boy to stay alone in the guests building. Now you will be right next door to him, in case he needs something.

I shot wide-awake.

- No mum, I refuse to…

- It's settled them. Well, get dressed! What are you waiting for? And come down for breakfast. And put something nice on, he's already in the kitchen and I'm sure you want to catch his attention.

Now I have a metallic blue convertible car I never use, and a next door neighbour who is constantly bothering me. 

Jeez, mum, that was a great Christmas gift!

Luchtime, Capsule Corporation, Living – room: I couldn't eat, no matter how hard my mother tried to shove a whole piece of chicken into my mouth.

Prince Charming, of course, was there on the clock. He practically inhaled his food and left for his new GT room.

- I think he really likes my Christmas gift! – Mum chirped and resumed humming loudly.

My dad coughed, sitting next to me.

- How was the party?

I nearly choked.

- Uh… Fine. Full of snobs, as usual.

- And did that boyfriend of yours show up?

I frowned.

- Sure… - I said merrily.

The rat! He kept me waiting for him all night. And when I finally decided to stop expecting his great, romantic entrance, I chose just to swallow as much alcohol I could, and, eventually, ended up at home three hours later, with my head in the toilet.

Afternoon. Capsule Corporation. Backyard: I was sitting peacefully in the garden, giving my head a rest after a couple of hours in the lab, when Yamucha showed his scarred face.

I smiled, of course, and decided to ignore that his clothes were wrinkled and that he smelt of cheap perfume… Lady's cheap perfume.

Luckily, when he was about to start to apologise, Vegeta joint us for a snack. My mother had obviously sent him with us. 

Soon after that, Yamucha left.

Vegeta and I remained silent for a while. He finished a glass of lemonade and stood up.

- That was not your perfume on him – He said, his back at me. – Did you enjoy having your head on the toilet all night?

And then he just left. 

I could swear he was smirking. 

Sometimes this man is so unpredictable.

****

5 January

115 lbs. Alcohol units: 5. Cigarettes: 22. Calories: Hmp!

Early afternoon, Capsule Corporation, my bedroom: Yamucha took me out for lunch to my favourite place in the city and behaved really nice to me. I guess he made some New Year's resolutions too. 

We walked out of the restaurant hand in hand and I let him drive my new car. I just had a great time.

11.30 p.m.CC, my bedroom: The nerve on that guy!

After spending four hours fixing the GT room, all I wanted to do was taking a long bath. But HE… HE… THE PRINCE OF ALL PAINS IN THE ASS had already occupied the bathroom.

I waited half an hour for him to come out.

When he finally did it, he was BUTT – NAKED!

- You like what you see? – He said proudly as he walked pass me. 

I just babbled like a jerk. He got in his room and closed the door. And I just stood there, blinking in confusion! His hard, naked body was still in my eyes. 

- Well, darling. How do you like to share he bathroom with Vegeta? – My mother said, smiling widely as she came out from behind a plant. 

I just grunted and locked myself in the bathroom, leaving my mother chirping and jumping rhythmically in the corridor.

8 January

116 lbs. Alcoholic units: none (v.g.). Cigarettes 15 (v.g.) Calories 720

Morning, CC, my lab: Yamucha phoned early this morning to tell me he was spending a couple of weeks with Master Roshi. I was really glad he told me where he was going to be. Can this be the mature relationship with him I have always wanted?

Late afternoon, CC, Large dinning room: I keep moving from room to room. No matter how big my house is, it seems as if every room has been taken. 

My mother kept cleaning and redecorating every bedroom. Vegeta was watching T.V. and kept coming and going out of the kitchen in search of food.

Dad was in the lab, constantly cursing softly, and checking the destroyed robots Vegeta had left on a table.

I ended up here, the main dinning room, which is huge and cold. 

I miss Yamucha.

****

22 January

116 lbs. Alcohol units: none. Cigarettes 27 (Oh, Mine!). Calories: 850

10.45 p.m. CC. My bedroom: What a day! Yamucha phoned early and asked me to stay at my place for some time. He says it's because he trains better when he is at my house. I somehow think he wants to keep an eye on me. I wonder whatever happened at the Kame House.

My mother was really making a fuzz about it out of happiness and she made me help her redecorate (again!) a guest's bedroom. 

We had just finished when Yamucha and his bags arrived. He went straight to bed. After checking he was comfortable in the guest's room I went to bed myself.

****

27 January

116 lbs. Alcohol units: none. Cigarettes: 20. Calories: 509 and counting.

Noon. CC. Kitchen: Vegeta seems to be more moody than usual. I wonder the reason why.

Afternoon. CC. My lab: I'm sooooo bored. I have nothing to do. Nothing to work on.

Yamucha is training. Vegeta is locked in his GT room. Mum and dad have mysteriously disappeared. 

****

29 January

116 lbs. Alcohol units: oh… thousands. Cigarettes: 36. Calories: 2451

11.30 p.m. CC. My bedroom: Man… I'm soooooo drunk I cannn hardly wrijdaj… wwri… write. I was soo bikgggggggggggg bored I attacked the drinks cabinet. Ugh…

****

30 January

118 lbs. Alcohol units: still burning last night's. Cigarettes: 14. Calories: 1021

Early morning. CC. My bedroom: I woke up half an hour ago, in my bed, in my pyjamas and covered with blankets, a bucket at my side and a HUGE hangover. Yamucha must have found me totally drunk – unconscious and put me to bed.

Uhm… Must drink water.

Late afternoon, CC, backyard: Yamucha left early this morning to train all day with Tien and Chaozu. I didn't have time to thank him for last night.

Vegeta has been training all day without stopping. He didn't even have a lunch – break.

****

31 January

116 lbs. Alcohol units: none. Cigarettes: 7 (v.g.!). Calories: 1074

Late night. CC. My bedroom: Yamucha is just so kind. He came back from Tien's with a roses bouquet for me!

Sure, he is not very intelligent, but he sure can be a cutie. 

Vegeta, on the other hand, is behaving in a very very weird manner. Even for him. I wonder what's wrong with him… Maybe he's realising he will never surpass Goku.

Even later. CC. My bedroom: Ooooohh… it's just spooky… It was not Yamucha the other night, but Vegeta! VEGETA HELPED ME! The sole idea of Vegeta undressing me and putting my pyjamas on me gives me goose - bumps. Yamucha said he hadn't helped me into bed. It doesn't take an intelligent woman like me to know the only person in the house that day, besides Yamucha and myself, was Vegeta.

Even much later. CC. My bedroom: FUCK THE MAN!

Why on Earth is he so unpredictable? Why hadn't he rubbed his favour in my face? In fact, he has hardly even spoke to me in the last days. 

Had I shaved my legs that day? Oh, thanks Kami. I had.

A/N: Ok… That's all for January. Next chapter… Guess what? FEBRUARY!

Ahem… Next Chapter is February: Must have Happy Thoughts. 

Review!


	3. February: Must have happy thoughts

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DISCLAIMER: I do not own Dragon Ball, Dragon Ball Z and Dragon Ball GT

I definitely do not own Bridget Jones's Diary, written by Helen Fielding

This is based on the missing three years… OF COURSE… as usual… anyway. Hope you like it. READ AND REVIEW

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Bulma Briefs's Diary

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Chapter 3

February

Must have happy thoughts

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2 February

116 lbs. Alcohol units: none. Cigarettes: 19. Calories: 1500

Noon. CC. My lab: I decided to work harder to clear my mind. Lately I've been having nightmares about destruction and such. 

Hanging 'round the house all day didn't help since both Yamucha and Vegeta are training hard, reminding me of the oncoming battle with the androids.

Late night. CC. My bedroom: After cooking a massive dinner, decided to lock myself in the lab and work all night. Didn't make much progress, though.

Ended up going back to bed.

Now… Where the fuck have my parents gone?

****

3 February

116 lbs. Alcohol units: none. Cigarettes: 13. Calories: 1572

Late night. CC. Kitchen: What a day! GT room broke down and I had to put up with Vegeta's smirk for over 6 hours till I had it working properly again.

Yamucha has lost it, I'm afraid. Seems to be obsessed 'bout Vegeta's training.

****

11 February

117 lbs. Alcohol units: 5 (drowning possible flu virus). Cigarettes: 27 (fumigating possible flu virus). Calories: 1207

Early afternoon. CC. Backyard: Sat in the garden while my mother worked on her flowers (did that sound as if it had erotic connotations?)

Mum and dad returned from Kami-knows-where two days ago.

Vegeta seemed relieved when my mother resumed her cooking instead of me. Yamucha is still acting weird.

10 p.m. CC. My bedroom: after dinning with my parents I spent a while spying on Yamucha's training.

When I walked upstairs I found Vegeta coming out of the bathroom, this time fully dressed for bed (and by fully dressed for bed I mean "dressed in his pants… and that's about it"…)

He looked tired, but still managed to smirk at me.

Lately I've found it easier to read Vegeta's character. I guess it's because I'm getting used to his presence. He hasn't threatened me with blasting me to oblivion. Maybe he's just too tired…

****

14 February

117 lbs. Alcohol units: 20… something… Cigarettes: 37. Calories: 3482.

Late night. CC. Bedroom: I hate Valentine's Day… Always had. What's the use on having a boyfriend if you hardly ever see him? I've never received one single card from him… Never Ever… 

Most years my brain just skips 14 February (self-defence mechanism). This year I could hardly escape from it… My whole house looked like a strawberry. Pink everywhere you look… Hearts, little cupids, heart-shaped chocolates, LIVING HELL.

Mum prepared a special meal for Yamucha and I. We both had lunch in the backyard. 

After lunch, we spent a little time together and Vegeta caught us in our first kiss in… what… a month?

He looked plainly disgusted. He yelled at us about behaving in public specially in front of him… yadayadayada… Luckily my mother came out of nowhere and handed him a massive amount of Valentine's cards (She also mailed about 40 cards for Goku).

And… let me tell you… did those cards burn fast! 

Mum wasn't even affected by this turning down… Basically 'cause she had a whole storage room crowded just with Cards for Vegeta.

After that, Yamucha returned to his training and I spent the rest of the day in my lab. 

Note to self: Work on a time machine to skip Valentine's Day next year.

****

20 February

117 lbs. Alcohol units: 2. Cigarettes: 25. Calories: 907

Early morning. CC. Kitchen: Just prepared breakfast for Vegeta and Yamucha. They both practically vacuumed it, leaving shortly after.

Mum came into the kitchen with come large bags.

- Darling, look what I just bought!

- Mum. It's 8 a.m. where could you possibly have bought all that?

- The overnight store that opened a while ago. Look what I got for young handsome Vegeta!

She showed me some leather pants. I just smirked.

- He'll love 'em, Mum. (Try not to laugh, try not to laugh, try not to laugh…)

- And this I got for you!

She… sheeee… sometimes she can be so… UGHHH! Yellow… the fucking dress is… Yellow.

- Thurk!… I mean… Thanks… Mum…

She started showing me all her new stuff. In a few seconds, the kitchen was crowded with her shopping bags and her new… everything…

- Mum… How long did you spend in that store?

- Some four hours- she chirped happily.

- You went there four hours ago???!!!

- You see, your father woke me up in the middle of the night to give me my late Valentine's surprise. I was just dozing off when I felt his huge…

- OH! MUM! STOP! YUCK!!!!!! STOP! CUT IT OUT!…

I covered my ears and hummed loudly to avoid listening to the details of my parent's sex life. 

I'm still throwing up…

11 p.m. CC. My bedroom: I just heard Vegeta going to bed. I guess he called it a day.

****

24 February 

118 (!) lbs. Alcohol units: 5. Cigarettes: 31. Calories: 997.

2 p.m. Fixed the Gravity Room.

3 p.m. Fixed the GT room again.

4 p.m. Fixed the GT room again.

5 p.m. And again.

7 p.m. Just when I thought it was over… Had to fix it again.

8 p.m. And yet again!

10 p.m. AND AGAIN.

11 p.m. FUCK VEGETA! Why doesn't he just go to bed!

11,39 p.m. After threatening him with a weekend alone with my mother, I managed to convince him to go to bed. He blackmailed me, though. I had to promise I'd wake up whenever he woke up and fix the GT room first thing in the morning. 

****

25 February

118 lbs. Alcohol units: none. Cigarettes: 14. Calories: … Have no idea.

10 a.m. CC. Kitchen: Been awoke for ages. Eyes keep closing. Fixed the GT room… Feel too tired right now.

12 p.m. CC. My bedroom: Just woke up. Where was I? Oh, yes. Vegeta woke me up at 5!

Fixed the GT room and then fixed his breakfast.

Yamucha showed up much later.

- What are you doing here Bulma?

-…

- Bulma?

- Too… tired… to talk… Breakfast… Table… eat. 

He left puzzled after padding my shoulder.

- You should go back to bed.

Late night. CC. My bedroom: Uh… Feel tired. Luckily, it seems I did a good job repairing the GT room today. Didn't hear any more complaints from Vegeta.

****

27 February

118 lbs. Alcohol units: 2. Cigarettes: 19. Calories: 2016

Late night. CC. My bedroom: Woke up to the sound of Vegeta going to bed. I was mad as Hell. On my way to the bathroom, I looked out of the window and say the GT room's lights on. Put on my robe and mentally prepared myself for a yelling session with Vegeta. "You can't expect the GT room to work properly if you leave the lights on all night…"

But on my way out of the bathroom I looked again and saw the lights were off.

I sat on my bed. I really must be loosing it…

****

28 February

118 lbs. Alcohol units: 1. Cigarettes: 15. Calories: 3021 (v.b.!) Negative thoughts: 35 (approx. based on av. per minute) Positive thoughts: none. Time spent on counting thoughts: 4 minutes.

Food consumed today:

4 large cups of coffee

1 piece of roasted chicken with mashed potatoes

5 slices of different kinds of cakes Mum bought from the new bakery near CC. Building.

2 Glasses of milk

1 Cup of tea

½ Cream roll, since the other half ended spread on my face.

Early morning. CC. Kitchen: The house seems empty. Dad's in his lab. Mum's gone shopping. Yamucha's training with Puar and Vegeta's already in the GT room. Sure he's going to kill himself one of these days.

I quite enjoy silence, but I rather have a noisy life.

Noon. CC. Kitchen: Mum arrived with a thousand bags. Don't even what to know…

Vegeta didn't show up for lunch. Yamucha's acting very weird, as if he was keeping something from me.

Decided to ignore him, though not a very mature thing to do.

I have to admit I'm worried… What about?… Don't really know.

Evening. CC. Vegeta's room: Here I am, looking at the fallen prince, covered with bandages and an oxygen mask on his face. How did this happen? 

I was having tea with Mum. She had bought some sweets in a new bakery.

- I thing you should invite that young Vegeta.

- He's training, Mum. That's all he does. And he hates to be interrupted.

- Awww, now, dear. I understand you are all grumpy because young Yamucha and handsome Vegeta haven't been paying a lot of attention on you…

- Mum… I assume you're joking – I said angrily.

- That boy is remarkable. He destroyed all my robots and is now training at 3000 gs. – Said my father as he walked in the living room.

- I think I'll invite that nice Goku to come along with me to the bakery. He's so muscular and handsome…

I just looked at her… She often would enter her own fantasy world.

- Maybe I should take both, Goku and Vegeta on a double date – She sentenced.

I choked. I mumbled "Wacko" as I bit a piece of cream roll. Suddenly, we felt a huge shaking. The whole house shook.

We all run towards the backyard only to find the GT room in pieces. It had exploded. It was a fucking ruin.

But in that moment, I wasn't worried about the destructed GT room. I panicked 'cause I couldn't see Vegeta anywhere. 

I started digging as Yamucha yelled something at my back that I couldn't listen.

That was an odd feeling. I could sense nothing but the blood pumping in my ears.

Suddenly, a hand emerged from the pieces of metal. That scared the shit out of me. 

After the hand, came an arm, and then the complete Vegeta emerged to the surface. He was a rag. He could barely move. Yet I gathered some air and cried out. 

- You're alive!!

- Of course I am… - me mumbled. 

- You almost destroyed my house!!

The jerk just smirked before collapsing. Can he have an attitude!

I rushed to him. I was worried. Genuinely worried. 

Ok, I've totally lost it. I was worried about a man who killed who-knows-how-many people.

I held him.

- Don't make a fool of yourself. You're interrupting my training… 

- Training? You're a bloody mess… LITERALLY!

- Only minor scratches… - He obviously lied. - I'll show everyone who I am… The Prince of all Saiyans… I'll surpass that idiot Kakarott…

- I know that… You'll surpass him, all right… But first listen to me…

- Don't boss me around, woman… 

That was all he said before falling unconscious. 

Yamucha and Dad managed to take him to his room. My mother just kept weeping without stop. 

After cleansing and bandaging his wounds we decided it was best just to let him rest. 

I didn't seem to be able to leave him there, by himself…

He muttered something in his sleep. Something about Goku.

I decided I couldn't leave his side… I just stayed there. Watching him sleep, having what seemed terrible nightmares. 

Why am I sitting here? Why am I holding his hand?

My father said he was very lucky to survive.

Why does my heart shrink? 

Late night. CC. Vegeta's room: Mum brought me dinner. She just smiled sympathetically to… me? 

- He'll be alright, dearest… You'll see…

I just nodded. Sure he'll be, all right. He's the Prince of all Saiyans. 

Author's notes:

I thing I MUST make some comments on this chapter… And about the whole story so far. 

I've added some extra characters in the story you'll see in future chapters, but they really won't be of any importance. 

My story is based, as I said above, in Helen Fielding's Bridget Jones's Diary, one of the funniest books I've ever read. The movie is great too… Actually, I'm a huge fan of the movie.

What you'll see in my story is how Bulma and Vegeta SLOWLY get to… you know… Care about each other… We'll miss all Vegeta's thoughts, but actually you can tell his intentions very easily. 

I chose a different Bulma/Yamucha breaking up, cause I really don't think he's a cheating bastard… Just a flirtatious one. And I don't think Bulma is an angel either. She's a thirty years-old woman, growing desperate to get a thirty-years-old-woman life. It's simple. 

As you might have already noticed, although she does not want her life to spin around Vegeta's, she's constantly thinking about him, but that does not mean she's in love with him… Remember, she's still Yamucha's girlfriend and she does have a moral. 

Of course I've exaggerated her drinking and smoking, just to make her life closer to a real thirty years-old British woman, because Bridget Jones is like that.

Other DB Characters will seldom show up, since in the series they don't seem to get together often during those THREE YEARS. If they had, how wouldn't they have known Yamucha and Bulma were no longer together and that Bulma had Vegeta's child… ?

Anyway, that's all for now… Further comments on future chapters. 

READ AND REVIEW. 

I'm sorry to say this, but if I receive no reviews I won't be uploading new chapters… SORRY, but that's the way it goes. 

Next chapter: March (DUH!): Growing apart

Misa Kats

Want to e-mail me? theseventhcoin@hotmail.com


	4. March: Growing apart

****

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Dragon Ball, Dragon Ball Z and Dragon Ball GT

I definetly do not own Bridget Jones's Diary, written by Helen Fielding

This is based on the missing three years… OF COURSE… as usual… anyway. Hope you like it. READ AND REVIEW

****

Bulma Briefs's Diary

Chapter 4

March

Growing apart

****

1 March

Haven't weighted my self. Alcohol units: none. Cigarettes: none. Calories: have no idea. Negative Thoughts. 272. Positive thoughts: 2. Time spent counting thoughts: 10' 20'' (v.b.!)

Early morning. CC. Vegeta's room: Spent all night here. Vegeta kept moaning so loudly that I couldn't have slept in my bedroom either. 

Feel better keeping an eye on him anyway.

Dad came in a while ago. 

- Dear, go take a shower. I'll stay here.

As usual, Dad knew exactly what I needed. 

After getting dressed, I returned to Vegeta's room to find my mother combing the unconscious prince's hair.

- Dear… Look what I can do! - She said happily.

I just smiled and went back to my room to comb my own hair. When I went back to Vegeta's room, I found a rather unusual scene. 

My mother was playing Hairdresser on Vegeta. She had tied his spiky hair in pigtails and decorated him with blue ribbons. 

- MUM! Leave him alone!

She giggled and quickly combed his hair back to normal.

- I'll get you some breakfast, sweetie.

Damn! I should have taken a picture…

10.35 a.m.: He's still asleep

10.45 a.m.: Still asleep

11.30 a.m.: Still asleep

12.00 a.m.: LUNCH!

Early afternoon: Had lunch as fast as I could, in case Vegeta woke up (Really want to be there to boss him around, now that he's a rag)

Yamucha gave me a strange look.

Jealousy?… MMMHHH… that makes me feel so powerful!!!…

MWHAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!!!!!

Afternoon: Vegeta has been moaning. Another nightmare, I guess.

Late afternoon: Neck is stiff. Maybe I'll take a walk… around the room… 

****

2 March

? lbs. Alcohol units: none. Cigarettes: none. Calories:?. Negative thoughts: 10 (approx. based on av. per second). Positive thoughts: 7 (approx. based on av. per hour)

9.00 a.m.: Woke up siting on a chair, my head on Vegeta's desk. He was delirious with a high fever last night. I stayed up trying to help his fever to go down. 

Dad decided to give him a shot of something. He looked really worried. 

After a while, his seemed to cool down and I decided to take a nap. 

When I opened my eyes, he was wide-awake, looking at the ceiling. 

I could have cried out of happiness. BUT…

- You look like shit… - he said.

I stood up in anger. 

- Well… TAKE A FUCKING LOOK IN THE MIRROR!

Without thinking, I hit him with the chair I had been sitting on. 

Now, he's unconscious again.

Dad just scratched his head and brought another oxygen tank. 

10.00 a.m.: Feeling a little guilty here…

11.00 a.m.: I feel soooooo guilty…

2.00 p.m.: Well… Shit happens…

3.00 p.m.: He'd better think twice before insulting me from now on.

11 p.m.: Oh… He's going to be soooooo pissed when he wakes up.

****

3 March

? lbs. Alcohol units: 4 (out of guilt). Cigarettes: 45 (out of guilt). Calories:?. Negative thoughts: 274. Positive thoughts: none.

Late night. CC. Vegeta's room: I have been feeling so guilty. What if I killed him? I've brushed my hair, changed clothes about 7 times, cried, shouted, done the happy dance, insulted him, showed him my boobs, pinching him, poking him, poking him a little more, poked him just because it is fun… And still he didn't wake up.

My mother took advantage of his situation and decided to practice another hairstyle on the prince. This time I did take some pictures, but destroyed them out of guilt.

I've come to think… What if that kid's prophecy does happen after all?

What if I'm the only one to survive?

Somewhere out there, someone is creating those androids and all we can do is wait…

I refuse to be the only survivor. 

I refuse to end my days as a computer-freak spinster. 

Maybe I can convince Yamucha to marry me before the androids arrive and get pregnant before he goes into battle. That way I won't be alone. 

Now, the fact I'm weaker than the rest of my friends is totally unfair, since my intelligence would really come in handy. But they have that macho-man mind I hate. 

Before marrying Goku, Chichi was really strong. 

OK. She's a jerk, but yet… She now has to play "devoted wife and mother". I just hate that.

I'd never leave my life aside if I married.

Now, which are the possibilities for me to marry?

My boyfriend is a troubled man. He seems to be obsessed with training, but he really doesn't go that extra mile. As if being dead had changed him and this is just as far as he would go.

On the other hand, the only unmarried man around is Vegeta. And if Yamucha is a troubled man, I can't even begin to think what he is.

He doesn't SEEM to be obsessed with training. He IS obsessed with training, He tries to go that extra mile, but it seems his goal is far, far away.

I really feel sorry for him. Him and his unnatural obsession with Goku's strength. 

But I know Goku's everything he wants to be. And that is just sad. 

I understand Vegeta. Really do. 'Cause they are all the strong I wish I were.

I understand the impotence he feels.

'Cause I feel just like he does.

****

5 March

115 lbs. Alcohol units: none. Cigarettes: 12. Calories: 790. Negative Thoughts: 348 (Mostly about Vegeta.) Positive Thoughts: 2

Noon. CC. My lab: Vegeta woke up yesterday. Yelled at me for about 10 minutes before my father shot him with a tranquilliser dart. 

After that, he just looked at me and walked away.

Maybe I should apologise to him.

2.00 p.m. Nah!

****

14 March

114 lbs. Alcohol units: none. Cigarettes: 43. Calories: 503. Negative thoughts: 3.474. Positive thoughts: 11 (all about a possible upcoming hairstyle). Death threats received from Vegeta: 14,247.

Late morning. CC. My lab: Vegeta is training in his new GT room (that my mother insisted on wrapping in red metallic paper, which delayed our giving it to him)

He seems ever more obsessed than before, but he's still a bit affected by the explosion. 

Yamucha has been acting strange ever since the accident. Sometimes he just stares at me for long, endless moments, and then he just leaves!

Doesn't it hurt? Jealousy, baby!

MWHAHAHAHAHAHA… I have him right where I want him to be…

****

21 March

114 lbs. Alcohol units: 14. Cigarettes: 47. Calories: 779. Death threats from Vegeta: 421. Negative thoughts: 15. Positive thoughts: 17 (v.g.!). Words spoken with boyfriend: 22

Noon. CC. Kitchen: After waking up earlier than Vegeta, I went to the GT room and checked if it was working properly. 

Discovered that doing this keeps accidents away. 

I made breakfast for all of us (I was feeling a little down and used cooking as therapy, since I haven't gone shopping for a while)

Mum helped me set the table and fixed what she called "Vegeta's favourite": fried eggs and crispy bacon forming a smiley face. 

I doubt he even notices he's eating a smiley face shaped breakfast. 

Yamucha arrived first.

I went out and called Vegeta.

Once back in the kitchen, Yamucha gave me one of those glances.

Pretended I didn't see him (growing tired of his attitude, anyway)

Still-covered- in-bandages Vegeta sat down and silently examined all the food on the table.

He picked the smiley face and inhaled it, and then he just went on eating everything else. 

My mother winked at me.

Arg! Why didn't he pick one of the dishes I had prepared?

****

22 March

113 lbs. Alcohol units: none. Cigarettes: 48 (!). Calories: 801. Negative thoughts: 4. Positive thoughts: 14. Induced negative thoughts: 4. Death threats from Vegeta: 1 (v.g.!). Words spoken with boyfriend: 3 (v.b.!)

Afternoon. CC. My lab: Been worried 'bout Vegeta. He's not fully healed. 

Decided to yell at him and received a Shut the fuck up answer from him.

Believe that being injured has actually made him stronger. 

Yamucha has been v. strange. 

****

24 March

115 lbs. Alcohol units: 22. Cigarettes: 64 (v.b. especially in two hours). Calories: 5412 (Yuck!). Negative thoughts 2,472 p/s. Boyfriends that have left without warning: 1

10.00 a.m.: Found Yamucha's bedroom empty. No Puar. 

10.15 a.m.: Phoned Master Roshi. Boyfriend not there. 

10.30 a.m.: Phoned Goku. Boyfriend not there. 

10.36 a.m.: Mum said she had not seen boyfriend. 

10.37 a.m.: Dad said he had not seen boyfriend.

11.30 a.m.: Vegeta said he saw him yesterday with Puar, spying on his training. 

11.00 a.m.: No trace from boyfriend.

1.14 p.m.: No trace from boyfriend.

1.45 p.m.: No good-bye letter from boyfriend.

4.13 p.m.: Went to buy tissues since I ran out.

5.13 p.m.: Threatening everybody with death if they use the phone. 

5.45 p.m.: Still no phone call from boyfriend.

6.15 p.m.: Naked Vegeta in the corridor.

6.16 p.m.: Still no phone call from boyfriend. 

10.00 p.m.: Decided that throwing things at people does not solve problems. Still no phone call from boyfriend.

11.30 p.m.: Music does not solve problems either.

11.31 p.m.: Vegeta's death threats won't help either, but he sure can knock on the wall. I'll just knock back.

11.59 p.m.: Just finished covering the hole in the wall made by Vegeta. Maybe I shouldn't have knocked back.

****

28 March

Why hasn't he phoned? Why do I feel so depressed? He had been so sweet to me these pasts months…

Am I going to die alone?

What if I AM the only one to survive? Will I end fat and alone, only to be found weeks later by someone, my body half eaten by Alsatians?

****

29 March

117 lbs. (Unsteady weight due to fridge-emptying-attacks) Alcohol units: 27 (hee hee). Cigarettes: 63. Calories: 5143 (3099 on drinks). Suicidal thoughts: 4,472. Offers-for-helping-with-suicidal-actions by Vegeta: 4,472. Attempts to kill Vegeta by poisoning food: 43. Attempts to kill Vegeta by disconnecting GT room: 1.445. Time spent on thinking how to kill Vegeta: 7hours 17 minutes and 35 seconds.

Decided to stop waiting by the phone. Came out of my room after 4 days locked in. Had to have the wall repaired anyway.

Mum's attempts to cheer me up ended with my thinking of possible ways to strangle her.

Dad decided that having me hanging 'round the lab was a bit dangerous for his precious projects, since I kept destroying every blueprint I had in front of my face out of nervousness.

2.00 p.m. CC. Backyard: I need a break.

****

20 March

Vegeta knocked on my bedroom's door early this morning.

- The desert rat on the thing- he said.

I blinked in confusion.

- I said the Desert-rat's on the telephone-thingy.

I rushed to the night table and reconnected the phone (Had disconnected it to stop obsessing)

- Hey Bulma

- Where the fuck are you?

- Back in town. I had to pick some things at my place.

- And you've stayed there ever since? - I said feeling anger building up.

- Yup – He answered merrily. - I'm going to train somewhere else…

- And you didn't phone me because…?

- Oh, sorry, Bulma. I didn't know you would get upset…

- I've been sitting here for a week waiting for you to call… I was worried!

- Well… Sorry Bulma… I didn't…

- FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKKKK YOU, FUCKER! FUUUUUUUUUUUUCK YOUUUU!

The Hell with cool Ice-queen.

I stood there, yelling at the receiver for half an hour. Finally, I decided to stop, because, frankly, I was running out of voice.

- Bulma… Have you ever considered Anger-management therapy?

I took in a deep breath. 

- What I need… is…

- Bulma… watch it… count to ten…- He dared to say.

And then came another half-hour session of yelling.

- … HATE YOUR GREAT, GREAT, GREAT, GREAT, GREAT, GREAT, GREAT GRANDFATHER TOO!!!

- Bulma, I'm running out of coins here. Listen, I won't be back for some time…

- FINE! – I said- DO NOT EVEN DARE TO PHONE ME THEN OR SHOW YOUR FUCKED-UP FACE IN MY HOUSE 'CAUSE WE ARE THROUGH!!!!!

- Sure, Bulma. Listen, really have to go. See ya!

I stood there, blinded by rage. Was he joking? Haven't I made myself perfectly clear?

I turned around after smashing the receiver against the wall. My mother was clapping.

- Oh, Dear! You are so brave! Give him Hell, honey! - She chirped.

- … And that was a perfect demonstration on psychotic behaviour, kids. Let's all thank Mr. Briefs for calling us and showing us a perfect example on middle age crisis in women. Let's all congratulate Miss Briefs for a perfect performance… C'mon… Now, let's go back to the psychology department… 

My father led the group of students and their professor through the corridor.

Vegeta looked astonished. 

-Way to go… - Was all he said before turning on his heels.

I mean… WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING? WHERE THE HELL I AM? WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE? HOW LONG HAD THEY BEEN THERE?

4.00 p.m. CC. Bedroom: Locked myself in again. Can't take anything else Kami wants to put in my path…

4.15 p.m. CC. Bedroom: And… THEEEERE IT IS… my period… Thanks SOOOO much.

****

31 March

117 lbs. Alcohol units: 6. Cigarettes: 11 Calories: 1501. Feminist thoughts: 4,795

Cried myself to sleep last night. Decided to make a brand new start next month.

SINGLE WOMAN IN SEACH FOR THE FUTURE.

NO LONGER THE PATHETIC WOMAN I'VE BEEN. NO MORE DEPENDING ON MEN TO PLAN FUTURE. 

First thing tomorrow: go back to work and phone long-forgotten friends… In case no one wants to talk to me, find new friends.

ON WITH MY BOYFRIEND-FREE LIFE! HURRAY!

A/N: That's all for March… 

Now… THANKS SO MUCH FOR ALL REVIEWS!!!!! And let me tell you, I'm really sorry to ask you to review …BUT I NEED to know whether or not this fic is being read… Unfortunately I don't have much time to write… And if nobody were reading my fics then I would stop uploading… 

BUT… I WILL GO ON UPLOADING!…

In fact, I'm updating quite fast… Despite the fact I have a very important test tomorrow… (07/05/03… Base for Prehistory. Want to know about Mythocondrial Eve theory? I know… It sounds like a video game –Parasite Eve if you ask me- But It's actually a subject in my University…)

I don't really have any comments on this chapter… Let me rephrase that… I cannot remember anything I was about to say about this chapter…

Questions, Suggestions, pieces of advice, comments? Review!!!

And again… THANKS TO ALL REVIEWERS!!!!! I'm going to cry… snif…

And… Thanks to The British National Corpus, especially to the Longman Corpus Network for their Longman, dictionary of contemporary English… What would I do without it? 

Thanks to Dorling Kindersley, for their Illustrated Oxford Dictionary.

And, oh GOD! I NEED A Spanish-English, English-Spanish Dictionary really soon…*sigh*

Well… AND YET ONCE AGAIN… THANKS FOR YOUR REVIEWS! 

Next chapter: April: Requiem for my Social Life 


	5. April: Requiem for my social life

****

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Dragon Ball, Dragon Ball Z and Dragon Ball GT

I definetly do not own Bridget Jones's Diary, written by Helen Fielding

This is based on the missing three years… OF COURSE… as usual… anyway. Hope you like it. READ AND REVIEW

****

Bulma Briefs's Diary

****

Chapter 5

****

April

Requiem for my social life

****

1 April

117 lbs. Alcohol units: 4 (Bloody Mary, more Mary than Bloody). Cigarettes: 12. Calories: 503. Positive thoughts: 3472. Thoughts about ex – boyfriend: 17

Decided to make a new start, no longer the sad–extremely–pathetic–men–dependant woman.

7.00 a.m.: Woke up early to freshen up and look radiant.

8.00 a.m.: Regretting waking up so early.

9.00 a.m.: Helped Mum make breakfast. Received a thousand compliments from Dad about the way I looked. Vegeta stood in front of me and kept staring.

- What is it, Vegeta?

He just smirked.

10.00 a.m.: These high heels are killing me.

11 a.m.: Maybe I'm not meant to be a highly sophisticated woman.

11.05 a.m.: I AM a highly sophisticated woman.

4.00 p.m.: Out of the blue I received a phone call from Yumi Katchan. Probably convinced by Mum. 

Apparently, I'm having dinner with her and her husband. 

6.30 p.m.: Getting ready for dinner. Have to look my best to prove I'm a strong men-free woman.

6.45 p.m.: Just received another phone call from Yumi. Only one thing can be worse than having dinner with a smug-married couple. That is having dinner with lots of smug-married couples.

Oh… I don't want to go.

11.45 p.m.: That was awful. After my mother talked me into going (in a very unorthodox way) I left for smug-married couples dinner.

It was not good. 

Actually, it was horrible.

By the time I got to Yumi Katchan's, everybody was already there, waving at me.

They were all dull. Very dull.

The fact that we are all in our thirties doesn't mean we have to live boring lives. It doesn't mean we women should knit sweaters while our husbands sit on the front porch, carving little pieces of wood watching our kids plaing in the front lawn.

Unfortunately, I was seated on the head of the table, everyone looking at me as I smiled nervously.

All through dinner, conversation spun around their honeymoons, mini-breaks and changing diapers.

Then, Yumi decided to focus attention on me.

I think it was kindly meant, but it had devastating effects.

- Tell me, Bulma. Are you dating anyone? – Said one of the smug-married wives. 

- You know about Bulma's latest project? – Yumi said, obviously trying to change the subject (Mum had obviously informed her about my current marital status).

- Yeah… - said the woman matter-of-factly – But I think I saw a picture of you and your baseball-player boyfriend in a magazine a while ago…

I had to answer… It was not the end of the world… It didn't mean I was a loser…

- Uh, I… Actually… I'm not with anyone at the moment…

- Oh, well, - said Yumi Katchan's husband in a boisterous way – Tell me, Bulma… Why is it there are some many unmarried women in their thirties? Fine, beautiful women that can't seem to hold on to their men…

I smiled nervously, mentally counting how many marriages ended up in divorce, and which of the smug married couples would be divorced by the end of the year, and thinking of Vegeta blasting all their asses to oblivion.

- I… Well…

- Coffee? Anyone? – Said Yumi shoving a cup of coffee to her husband.

Arg! I made a complete fool of myself! Me! The smartest person on Earth!

Soon I excused myself with early work and headed to the door. 

Yumi followed me, smiling sympathetically.

- It's been nice to see you, Bulma. I'll give you a call next week. Maybe we can have lunch or something… Maybe dinner with many married couples was not a good idea…

DUH!

Yumi Katchan seems like a nice girl, though.

****

5 April

116 lbs. Alcohol units: 5 (slowly becoming a Bloody Mary fan). Cigarettes: 12. Calories: 477. Phone calls made: 11 (busy morning).

9.00 a.m. CC offices. My office: Arrived really early. My secretary almost dropped dead when she saw me.

Paperwork was a mess.

10.00 a.m.: Had tons of coffee to keep me awake.

11.00 a.m.: Decided to quit smoking soon.

4.00 p.m.: Disastrous meeting with the board. They just bugged me for not showing my face these last months. I just exploded. Don't these guys understand I have a life outside capsules?

7.30 p.m. CC. Kitchen: Couldn't wait to get home and take it easy.

Vegeta was in one of his moods. 

- Where the hell have you been all day? – He asked me.

- Working, Vegeta. Did you miss me?

- Of course I missed your bossing me around all day, bitching me about everything, cooking disgusting food, your unstopping sobs and your psychotic attacks… - he said, sarcasm in each of his words.

I threw a shoe to him.

I must have caught him off guard cause the shoe hit him right on the forehead. He didn't move, though.

He touched his forehead and gave me one of his I-am-going-to-kill-you-right-now-you-fucking-bitch glances.

He grabbed my red high-heeled shoe and melted it right in front of my face.

- Hey! That was one fucking expensive shoe! – I said, flipping out.

- And I am the Prince of all Saiyans, you fucking wench!

I wasn't in the mood for a real verbal spar, so I just took off the remaining shoe and put it on the table.

- Here. What would I do with just one shoe? I can afford a new pair. If you want, melt this one too – I said, frankly fed up with these useless arguments, and really too tired to throw the other shoe to his face. 

He just looked at me.

- Have you seen my Mum? – I asked.

He shook his head.

- I'm going to have a bath. Would you tell her I'm here if you see her, please?

He didn't answer this time. He just stared at the shoe.

8.00 p.m. CC. My room: I went down for dinner and caught Vegeta still siting at the table, staring at the offending shoe.

- What are you doing? Aren't you going to melt it?

He shook his head again.

- Why not?

- It's no use. You won't get pissed if I do…

- Oh…

WACKO! That was a strange conversation. My mother finally took the shoe to add it to her "One High Heel Shoes collection". No comments on that.

11.30 p.m.: Haven't thought about Yamucha at all.

11.31 p.m.: Ouch!

****

16 April

115 lbs. Alcohol units: 5 (Bloody Mary for breakfast). Cigarettes: none (plan to quit today). Calories: 719. Shopping bags: 43

11.00 a.m.: Received a phone call from Yumi Katchan. She invited me to have lunch tomorrow. I accepted.

3.00 p.m.: Just flushed all my cigarettes down the toilet. Hurrah!

4.00 p.m.: Just returned. I had to go buy cigarettes. Someone flushed them all down the toilet.

8.30 p.m.: My parents have left again for a short holiday ("short" they say…). Have to phone Yumi to postpone our lunch. I have to stay home… For my house's sake.

Phoned to the office and informed I'd be working at home for a couple of… weeks?

9.00 p.m.: Finally found Yumi at home.

- Oh, Bulma! Hi! I'm looking forward to tomorrow's lunch.

- Uh… About that, I don't thing I can make it…

- Oh – she said disappointed – I really wanted to see you.

- Oh… well…- I said, 4 Zillion thoughts raced in my head about a possible love proposal from her.

- You see… I'm having problems with my husband… I really need someone to talk to…

- What about all those smu… eeeerrr… ladies… married… couple… The other night… at… house… - I babbled stupidly… I had almost slipped. 

- Well… They are nice… But they have their own busy lives… Kids… You know… I get really lonely sometimes.

Well… She was obviously saying "You don't have a life, you can help me…" But I was actually feeling bad despite the fact I wasn't lying. 

I ended up inviting her to have lunch at my house.

- But I thought you were busy tomorrow, Bulma…

- I'll explain tomorrow…

I hanged the phone, thinking about what I was doing… Could this be a good idea?… 

I don't think so.

****

17 April

115 lbs. Alcohol units: 10 (Please Kami, burn them off before lunch!). Cigarettes: 27. Negative thoughts: 2.419

Woke up early to please Vegeta. I really don't want any verbal spar today.

Noon. CC. Kitchen: Finished cooking and set the table in the garden. Told Vegeta I had a guest for lunch and that I'd leave his food on the kitchen table. 

- Who's coming?

- It's none of your business…

- Replaced the desert-rat so soon?

- It's a girlfriend, if you should know… I'm not replacing Yamucha.

He just "humphed". I sat on a chair and took a deep breath.

- Vegeta, would you please do me a favour…?

- No

- Pleaseeee?

- What the fuck is it…?

- Can you please, please behave today? Please! My friend is a very important person… and I want to keep her friendship… Would you please not blow anything up or destroy anything during our lunch?

- You can't boss me around… - He said, turning his back to me and leaving me alone. 

Well. At least I tried… 

4.00 p.m.: Well… let me tell you, Yumi is one troubled woman. She's really having problems with her husband. Apparently, her husband is a commitment-phobic who dated her for years and years, not a single proposal in sight (having a little deja-vu). 

Until one day, her mother decided to butt in (she mysteriously behaves just like my Mum) and organised a surprise wedding for them (how weird can that be?). Yumi's husband passed out because of the shock and woke to find himself married. 

(Mum, don't you dare!!!!!!!…)

After an hour of her sobbing on my shoulder (making me extremely uncomfortable), we started talking about the past and New Year's parties we had both been to. 

- But you disappeared for a while… A long while – She said.

- Well… Eeehh… 

How do you explain to someone who does not belong to your circle you had been searching for something called Dragon Balls, met a tailed alien and watched him defeat uncountable bad guys?

How do you explain you've been to another planet, almost get blown up by a hermaphrodite, returned with a bunch of green aliens and a mass-murderer?

How do you explain the mass-murderer is actually staying at your place 'cause you invited him and that your boyfriend, who had actually been killed by the violent monkey-shaped-murderer, is alive again…?

Ugh… I CAN HARDLY BELIEVE IT MYSELF.

- I really don't like parties… - I said stupidly. 

- Bulma? Why couldn't you have lunch today?

- We did have lunch – I said in a sheepishly tone, trying to avoid the subject. 

- Bulma?

- Ah… eeerrr… I had to watch over my house. 

- Huh? – She said. Of course she said that! What kind of stupid excuse was that?

- You see… I have a… uhm… guest… Someone who has been staying here for some months now… My parents are on holiday and I have to keep my house from… destruction… (Literally)

- I don't think I understand…

- He's a man… (I think) My father is kinda experimenting on him… - I couldn't tell her 'bout the androids… she would freak out- My father is doing some research on him and has to watch him training and stuff… Cause he's really… strong… (That wasn't very scientific, was it?)

- I'm no lab rat- said someone behind us.

Vegeta was standing there, dressed in his yellow pants and pink shirt.

- Yumi… this is Vegeta… - I said, sweating badly, almost breathless.

Yumi offered her hand. Vegeta just stared at her. 

- Woman – he said to me, deliberately ignoring her – Your air-headed mother phoned. She said she'd be back in a couple of weeks or so.

- Uh… ehrr… Thanks Vegeta.

He just humphed. 

- I need more robots. The ones you made last time were lame. 

- You destroyed them all?

He stood still, smirking. Then he slowly turned around, leaving us in a very dramatic way. 

- Sorry, Yumi. He doesn't like strangers. 

- Is he human? – She said in astonishment (drooling, possibly)

- Sure – I said. Hate lying… Uh… Alright… I don't hate lying; I quite enjoy it actually.

- He's scary…

- Not really…

- He's cute…

- You don't know him… He needs constant attention. He's like a kid who keeps breaking his toys…

- And yet…

- What?

- Nothing – she said – I really should be going home. The babysitter must be getting nervous…

- Babysitter?

- Yes… I have a little baby-boy. Didn't you know?

After thanking me a thousand times, she left.

I went to the kitchen to put all plates in the dishwasher and found Vegeta there.

- Is she gone?

I nodded. He was in his training outfit again.

- I thought you were done with your training for the day… You were all dressed up before… 

- You begged me to behave… Besides, you should know by now I'm never done with training…

After that… he just left.

And once more, I just stood there in utter confusion.

Had he dressed up because I had asked him to behave?

5.00 p.m. CC. My bedroom: This man is a riddle…

6.00 p.m. CC. Kitchen: Came down for a little snack and a cigarette. The house is so silent without Mum… Maybe I just should phone Chi Chi.

6.05 p.m.: There's no way I'm phoning Chi Chi. The woman is a basket case. I can easily predict what we would talk about: 

- Hey Chi Chi, it's Bulma.

- Hello Bulma, I can't talk right now. I'm terribly busy. Goku and that horrible Piccolo are outside, beating my poor Gohan up. He hasn't even touch his books in weeks. I don't know what to do…

- Chi Chi… Uh…

- … And if he doesn't study now, he will become a rebel. If he becomes a rebel, he won't do well in high school, if he doesn't make it through high school, he won't go to University. If he doesn't go to University, he won't find a decent job and he would end up unemployed!!

- Chi Chi…

- UNEMPLOYED! A REBEL… A HIPPIE!.. Oh Kami, what will I do?

- Uh… Have to go Chi Chi… Wacko…

I'm not in the mood for one of her "My-soon-to-be-a-huge-hippie-son" monologues. 

****

18 April

114 lbs. Alcohol units: none. Cigarettes: 25. Calories: 701

Bad, Bad day. Been thinking all day 'bout smug-married couples and those fucking androids. 

This is what I am: 

Beautiful unmarried woman in her thirties, with no boyfriend and no possibilities to get one. Still living with my parents, I have successful career but no social life, slaved all day by a half-naked spiky-haired full-of-muscles Saiyan alien.

What if Goku fails to destroy the androids? What if only I survive? What if…?

I shouldn't have dumped Yamucha. Why didn't I stick to my plan, married him and got pregnant?

I miss him. I really do. Is he a commitment-phobic or plain stupid?

What I learnt from Yumi Katchan and her smug-married friends is that most people my age are settled by now.

Having different problems than mine. Their world spin around their kids, not hairstyles or outfits… Sometimes I'm so childish… But…

Would I be happy if I settled? Could I be a devoted wife and mother? Could I talk about changing diapers during social events? Could I become a smug-married wife?

What if there is no time for me to plan my future?

I can hear my biological clock tick-tocking… and I can hear the real life clock tick-tocking, telling me there might be no time for my friends or me.

11.30 p.m. CC. My bedroom: After creeping round the house all day in a depressed state, I sat in the living room to watch T.V. 

- You really look even more hideous than usual – Vegeta said, sitting next to me, a can of soda in his hand. 

Will he kill us? Once he has defeated Goku, would Vegeta kill us all? Would he kill me?… Sure he will… Or not?

- Quit staring at me, woman!

- … 

****

23 April

117 lbs. Alcohol units: 31 (!!!!). Cigarettes: 74 (Aw, Kami). Calories: 509 (Kinda explains why I feel so dizzy…)

After being terribly depressed for several days, decided to change my routine. Didn't make much progress, though.

Miss Yamucha and I don't want to be the only survivor!

Really miss Yamucha.

Vegeta's been avoiding me. I guess I make him nervous. Have I found his weakness?

Note to self: Bug Vegeta all day and take notes non every single reaction (Good project!)

5.00 p.m. CC. Lab: Would a research on Saiyan behaviour be interesting? Will I do it for professional purposes o just to laugh my head off?

11.49 p.m. CC. My bedroom: Done with serious thinking. Found out that the "Vegeta Project" would be just for my own amusement. It was a dumb… drunk-dumb idea.

11.50 p.m.: I really should think of something useful for everyone… Remember the androids, Bulma?

DUH!

****

24 April

116 lbs. Alcohol units: none (please, no more!). Cigarettes: 13. Calories: 707.

10.00 a.m.: Yumi Katchan phoned and begged me to organise the smug-married-couples dinner tonight… HERE!

All smug-married wives phoned and begged me to organise dinner, too. They have all heard of my mother's garden. Damn her popularity! I had to accept.

11.00 a.m.: Begged Vegeta (for an hour) to behave properly tonight. He ended up blackmailing me again…

This time I will have to learn how to cook just like my mother.

- I hate your cooking, woman, but I hate your mother even more – he said. Well, that explains why he seems so relieved whenever she replaces me in the kitchen.

I accepted the bargain and he accepted to stay in the GT room and not complain if it broke down until everyone is gone.

That was a fair bargain.

11.59 p.m. CC. My bedroom: Oh… Oh… Oh…

Oh… Oh… Oh…

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKKKKKK

****

27 April

Weight: Not in the mood for weighting. Alcohol units: Not in the mood for counting. Cigarettes: Not in the mood to know it. Calories: Not in the mood for calculating. 

10.00 a.m. CC. My room: I'm soo depressed. Nothing bad could have happened that night… Or so I thought.

Vegeta's been banging on my door since I haven't cooked for him in days.

Since that night… The night my social life died.

It all began really very well, despite the fact I hate smug-married-couples.

Dinner was great. Conversation was quite interesting, actually. They didn't even get close to the "Unmarried women in their thirties" topic. I was actually having a great time. 

The GT room was out of sight. It almost seemed as if there was no Vegeta in the house. Until…

Red lights came from the hidden corner where the GT room was in.

- Bulma, dear – said one of the smug-married wives- What's that?

I smiled nervously.

- Eeeerrr… One of my Dad's latest inventions.

- Aren't Bulma's Mother's flowers beautiful? – Yumi shoved a geranium in the smug-married wife's face.

And from then on, everything came apart.

I had just served dessert when a smiling Goku appeared in front of us.

- Oh, hi Bulma… Didn't know you had guests… Where's Vegeta?

- Goku… - I said through greeted teeth.

- I came to hid… spar… I came to spar…

I just pointed with my index finger. It's no use yelling at him.

He walked slowly towards the GT room. He was behaving in a most unusual manner (if that's possible).

- He's an old friend… - I tried to explain to my shocked guests- He's a magician… illusionist. 

"OOOHHH" and "AAAAAHHH"… Good sings. I felt as if I had just saved the night. 

How wrong can a human be?

Only a few minutes had passed when Gohan landed in front of us. 

- Oh, hi… Sorry, Bulma… Have you seen my Dad?

I took a hand to my temple and started rubbing hard.

- Over there… - I pointed.

Gohan behaved in the same way Goku did. Fortunately, we all got to finish dessert. 

All smug-married couples decided to remain silent (Yumi Katchan, too) and assumed it all had to do with one of my Dad's experiments. 

Coffee had just been served when Piccolo landed there… Right between the sugar and the cream.

And then there was absolute panic- attack. It's not everyday you see a green guy dressed as a Bedouin landing on your tablecloth.

A couple of women fainted. All husbands looked paralysed. Yumi was open-mouthed. 

- That thing is not human… - She mumbled. If she only knew her Kami looks just like him.

- Goku and Gohan?- said Piccolo.

I pointed, giving up… Total surrender… There was nothing else to do… No possible logic explanation… I just remained silent, shaking in anger. 

Just leaned back in the chair, totally exhausted. 

- Oh… that was enough, bunch of freaks… - I sighted.

None of my guests said anything. They simply stood up and headed towards their cars. But…

Rambo-dressed Chi Chi stormed in the backyard in a rage, carrying all sorts of heavy bazookas and such. 

I just pointed helplessly.

She just ran in the indicated direction, howling…

- THE THREE OF YOU WILL HAVE A BATH… EVEN IF I DIE TRYING!!!!!!!!!

I just lowered my head and started knocking the table with my forehead.

- Bulma… We are leaving… You know… The… Freaks… I mean… Kids… Babysitters… - Yumi Katchan's husband mumbled.

I didn't dare to look at them.

Suddenly I heard an enraged voice.

- WOMAN, THIS WAS NOT A PART OF THE BARGAIN!!!!

A blood-covered, half-naked Vegeta made his way trough my guests-on-the-run.

I didn't answer. 

- WOMAN!!!!!

Vegeta threw a small ki ball to the sky. Even I could notice it was a harmless ki ball… But not my guests, who just ran away as if chased by the devil.

And there I stayed… My forehead on the table. 

Chi Chi grabbed Goku, Gohan and Piccolo and took them with her. Vegeta, after a few curses, left for the GT room.

I just couldn't move. The table still set. 

Sometime through the night it started to rain.

I wasn't crying… I was just thinking about my so-called brand new life… BULLSHIT.

Thinking about Yamucha. About being a lunatic spinster.

- Woman, you'd better get inside…

Vegeta was standing next to me. I could see his white boots.

- You'll get sick. Remember you have to cook for me tomorrow…

Rain kept falling furiously. 

I didn't answer. He just grabbed me and carried me as if I was a bag of potatoes and deposited me on my bedroom's floor. I just fell asleep there, still completely covered in my soaked clothes, on my bedroom's floor. 

****

30 April

113 lbs. Alcohol units: none. Cigarettes: 21. Calories: 1.403

5.30 a.m.: Decided to leave my bedroom and make breakfast for Vegeta. After all, what happened was not his fault.

6.30 a.m.: Vegeta came into the kitchen and gave me an odd glance. He said nothing and consumed his food. 

7.30 a.m.: Had my own breakfast: Large cups of coffe and some toasts. 

Noon. CC. Kitchen: I had locked myself in the lab all morning. Decided to analyse some of the information gathered in Frieza's ship.

Came out of the lab to make lunch for Vegeta. 

Once again, he gave me one of "those" glances. 

Late night. CC. Kitchen: I had to ask… Curiosity was killing me. I took my chance when Vegeta sat next to where I was watching T.V.

- Do say… What happened when Chi Chi got there?

He just gritted his teeth.

- I was sparring with Kakarott when the bastard and the fucking Namek showed up. We all started sparring… I was beating their asses up. When that… That… Monstrous… Air-headed… Poor excuse for a female entered the GT room and started shooting at us… She carried fucking grenades… 

Then he remained silent for a minute or so…

- Why he, the most powerful man in the universe, fears her? I would just blast her off…

I didn't say anything. Actually, there was nothing to say… Basically, cause I agreed with him. 

_____________________________________________________________________

Author's note:

Well… Sorry if it was a bit messy… I'm not very good at writing in English (especially when it comes to phrasal verbs…)

Alright… In this chapter you could see my made-up characters… really not important… 

I have no further comments on my this chapter, I think… 

Sorry I didn't update so soon, but I had a busy week. 

Hope you like it! 

Comments? Suggestions? Words of Worship (HE HE HE)? REVIEW! 

OH… I remember now. 

About Bulma's feelings about people her age. Some months ago, I saw one of my high-school mates in the supermarket. She was with her husband and her little baby deciding what to buy and what not to buy in order to make ends meet. I felt so… small… I felt just like a child… I mean… All I think about is university, calling my friends on weekends, my job… And she has a family now… Many of my friends have their own family… It made me think a lot. I got really depressed. Of course, when we left high-school we all had to choose out paths in life. I chose to live the life I have now… But still… I don't know… I felt old and childish at the same time! I realised I'm old enough to have a family… Anyway… It all returned to normal a couple of weeks later…

If any of you had felt that, or had the same experience, tell me! I really want to share this weird feeling… Uh… Was that clear? I don't think so…

Well… Life goes on!

Thanks everyone for your wonderful reviews! 

Hope you keep reading this.

Next chapter: May: Late spinsterhood blues

:)

MisaKats (theseventhcoin@hotmail.com)


	6. May: Late Spinsterhood Blues

****

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Dragon Ball, Dragon Ball Z and Dragon Ball GT

I definitely do not own Bridget Jones's Diary, written by Helen Fielding

This is based on the missing three years… OF COURSE… as usual… anyway. Hope you like it. READ AND REVIEW

****

Bulma Briefs's Diary

Chapter 6

May

Late Spinsterhood Blues

****

3 May

114 lbs. Alcohol units: 7. Cigarettes: 43. Calories: 4.785 (repulsive)

Late night. CC. My room: Finally accepted I'll be single forever. Potential death in less than n3 years doesn't help. 

My life can be summarised as the following: 

Wake up/ Make breakfast for Vegeta/ Lock myself up in my lab/ Make lunch for Vegeta/ Lock myself up in the lab/ Make a snack for Vegeta/ Lock myself up in my room/ Make dinner for Vegeta/ Lock myself up in my room/ Attack fridge and drown sorrows in food.

****

5 May

113 lbs. Alcohol units: 14. Cigarettes: 63. Calories: 1.272

Late night. CC. My room: Just finished attacking the fridge.

Planning to make a Yamucha-faced voodoo doll.

Why hasn't he phoned? It's been a month… HE KNOWS I'M MAD AT HIM!

****

8 May

114 lbs. Alcohol units: 8. Cigarettes: 44. Calories: 1.049

Late night. CC. My room: Unfortunately, I ran into Vegeta on my way to the kitchen. He had already attacked the fridge. All he had left uneaten was an orange.

Note to self: also make a Vegeta-faced Voodoo doll.

****

10 May

115 lbs. Alcohol units: none. Cigarettes: 40. Calories: 3.457 (can actually feel the fat coming out of my pores)

Noon. CC. Kitchen: Mum and Dad phoned to check on us. I just couldn't tell them about the smug-married-couples dinner massacre. It's just too pathetic. 

I've been thinking about learning how to knit (might be helpful in my lonely elder days), and maybe take up pottery…

Yes… I'm going to die fat an alone, half eaten by Alsatians (but I'll be wearing a nice self - knitted sweater and holding a beautiful hand made ashtray).

****

12 May

116 lbs. (!). Alcohol units: 18 (mostly wine). Cigarettes: 63. Calories: 4.016 (Oh, Kami…)

Night.CC. My room: Been thinking about having an ad published. "Young, beautiful, smart, well-off woman seeks mature relationship with nice, sensitive young man (pref. tough-looking)"

Now… How many freaks would answer such and ad?

What about this one?: "Beautiful, young woman seeks young man to establish mature relationship (marriage possibilities)"

Too desperate? At least no commitment-phobics or fuckwitts would answer that…

Ok, maybe this one: "Woman seeks male human for serious relationship"

Hmm… That actually makes my options grow small.

Maybe: "Female human seeks male (pref. human)"

NO! I'm Bulma Briefs! I will find a nice, sensitive, mature man! I'm fucking Bulma Briefs, for fuck's sake!

Late nigh. CC. My room: Oh, Kami! Don't let an Alsatian eat me!

****

17 May

118 lbs. (!!!). Alcohol units: none. Cigarettes: 54. Calories: 509 (Dieting. How am I ever going to get myself a man if I am an overweighed, lungless wine bottle?)

Afternoon, CC.Kitchen: Doing some serious thinking. I really need a change. Where did my haircut idea go? I should have my haircut soon. And I'll go shopping as well.

ARG! I can't leave Vegeta alone! He's destroy my house… Hmmm… What will I do?

Late night. CC. My room: Had a little verbal spar with Vegeta. He's such an insensitive jerk!

- Vegeta… I'm planning to go out tomorrow morning…

- And I care because…?

- You'll be by yourself all morning…

- …

- Won't you destroy my house?

- …

- Won't you kill yourself while you train?

- …

- Will you survive?

By then I could virtually SEE his anger…

- Whom do you think you're talking to? – He spat.

- EEEhhhrrr…. Uh…

- I'm the Prince of all Saiyans! I can take care of my fucking self – He was yelling at me, though he didn't move, his arms crossed his triumphal smirk on his face.

- Eeeeehhhrrrr…

- YOU ARE THE ONE WHO CAN'T SURVIVE ALONE… YOU HAVEN'T BEEN OUT IN A MONTH… ALL 'CAUSE THE WEAKLING IS AN ASSHOLE… YOUR ARE THE FOOL HERE…

I started crying like mad, sobbing uncontrollably, and shouting above my lungs.

- OH, SHUT UP, FOR FUCK'S SAKE – he shouted as he covered his ears with his hands. 

All I did was scream louder, just to bug him. 

- Woman, if you are expecting someone to pity you, then I'm not that someone – he said, now in his usual voice – You ARE pathetic, but I don't pity you. You keep telling me how beautiful, smart, rich and powerful you are. It's a shame you don't believe it yourself…

I stopped crying. Suddenly realising how right he was. But then my eyes filled with tears again.

- I'LL DIE FAT AND ALONE AND HALF-EATEN BY ALSATIANS!

- And what the fuck are you talking about? What the fuck is that supposed to mean?

His expression was so funny. He seemed so confused by my statement. I couldn't hold my laughter, so I just started to laugh my head off.

- I should have known this was one of your fixes…- He stood up – And don't you dare treating me like a child. Your house will still be here when you come back…

And then, he smirked. 

- But it'll cost you…

I knew it!

- How much…?

- I'll tell you when I've come up to something…

DAMN! He would be a great politician…

****

18 May

117 lbs. Alcohol units: 5 (discovered a really cool drink at the hairdresser). Cigarettes: 60 (really v.b.!) Calories: 1.014. Negative thoughts: 21 (v.g.). Compliments on my new haircut from Vegeta: none. 

Afternoon. CC. My lab: That was just what I needed! How come I haven't done it before? I feel fresh, pretty, like brand new! I also bought some clothes. 

I was happy to see my house was still standing when I returned, meaning Vegeta had kept his part of the bargain. I feel soo happy! 

Late night: Just remembered… I'm still a hopeless spinster. 

****

22 May

117 lbs. Alcohol units: none. Cigarettes: 23. Calories: 1.246

Morning. CC. Lab: Really happy I had my hair cut. Really sad I'm still single. Really fed up with Vegeta. Really curious about the reason why he hasn't brought up the "you owe me, bitch" subject.

****

25 May

117 lbs. Alcohol units: 14. Cigarettes: 33. Calories: 2.481

Late night. CC. My room: Mum and Dad came back!

I really missed them.

Mum prepared dinner (a "special something for Vegeta since he surely had missed me". Or so she says) and we all drunk champagne to celebrate my new hairstyle (except Vegeta, who just humphed and left for the GT room).

After dinner, I helped Mum with the dishes and, in her very unorthodox way) she led me to a sorta girl to girl conversation.

- Bulma, dearest. Do you think I should change the kitchen curtains?

- Uh… Aren't these ones new?

- Yes, but they don't look quite well… I want this house to be perfect…

- They look just fine, Mum.

- No… I'll get new ones…

- Whatever… - I said no longer listening to her.

- Maybe you and Vegeta could help me choose new ones…

- I don't think he'd like that… - Ha! The sole idea makes me laugh. 

- Oh… you think he likes these curtains? 'Cause if he does, I won't change them…

- No, Mum… I meant I don't think Vegeta would like to go shopping… I doubt he ever noticed the kitchen had curtains – I mumbled. 

- Bulma, dearest… You should be more interested in these things.

- Curtains?

- Domestic matters, silly – She chirped. 

I didn't answer.

- If you keep playing scientist with your Dad you'll never marry Vegeta – She hummed as if what she had just said was a completely normal thing to say. 

I just gave her a side-glance. 

- Mum… First of all, I'm not interested in Vegeta. Second, he's not interested in me. Third, I don't think he'll ever marry anyone at all. Fourth, I'm not even trying to catch his attention. Fifth, I haven't really broken up with Yamucha, and…

- Oh, Dear…

- What? – I asked in an annoyed tone. I hate to be interrupted. 

- Can you and Vegeta make a grandmother of me really soon? I'm so bored!

- MUM! – I shouted. It didn't work. My mother was already in her land of fantasy. 

Vegeta silently entered the kitchen, just as my mother danced around me while I kept drying the dishes. 

- Woman – He whispered – What the hell is this?

- OOOhhhh… I'm going to have a beautiful grandchild! A little Vegetaaaaaa… Larararaaaaaaa… - She kept chirping. 

- What is she talking about? – He asked me as he examined her movements. 

- You plus Me equals Baby, equals Grandchild… - I answered matter-of-factly.

- Has she lost it?

- Yup

Now, she was holding the bottle of detergent as if it was a baby.

- She thinks you and I…? – He asked in a flat tone.

- She WISHES you and I… - I corrected. 

- Does she know who I am?

- Yup

- Does she know I'm evil?

- Yup

He just humphed and left, returning shortly afterwards.

- Eeer… I forgot… I came for a soda… - He said, examining again my mother's ritual.

- Hurry, Bulma, dearest. Nature won't wait… - She chirped.

AAArrrrgggg!!!! I left, of course. Even my insane mother thinks I'm not going to get a man!

NOT GOOD!

****

27 May

117 lbs. Alcohol units: none. Cigarettes: 31. Calories: 1.071

Late night. CC. My room: This month has been so awful. I hope something happens really soon. 

Decided my pursue for love won't be my goal in life. No, sir. I can be successful, beautiful, rich and powerful with or without a husband. I will succeed! 

Later. CC. My room: On my way out of the bathroom I ran into Vegeta. 

AAARRRGGG!!! SILLY BULMA! YOU WERE ONLY WEARING PANTIES AND A TINY T-SHIRT! AAARRRGGGG! WHAT WAS HE DOING STILL AWAKE? I THOUGHT HE WOULD BE FAST ASLEEP BY NOW!

Note to self: wear a robe on my late night bathroom excursions. 

Much later. CC. My room: HAVE I SHAVED LATELY? Oh… Thanks Kami. I have.

Author's note

Decided to make no more comments on my personal life anymore (I know it's boring… HEHEHE)

Thanks everyone for your wonderful reviews!!!!!! THANKS SOOOOOOOOO MUCH…

:)

And thanks to all of you who wished me luck in my exams and to the ones that told me I would get a boyfriend soon!!! You know who you are! (And if you read the reviews, the rest of you will know too… hehehe)

OK… 

Haven't really decided how to name the next chapter… It'll be JUNE for sure… (HAHAHAHAA!!!! Geez… I'm so funny ***sigh*)**

I haven't finished writing the next chapter, so, suggestions could be taken… HEHEHE… ) 

Sorry this chapter was not so long, but… some months in our lives are more boring than others… right?

Hope you liked it.

Suggestions? Comments? REVIEW!

MisaKats (wanna e-mail me? theseventhcoin@hotmail.com)


	7. June: Life with Vegeta

****

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Dragon Ball, Dragon Ball Z and Dragon Ball GT

I definetly do not own Bridget Jones's Diary, written by Helen Fielding

This is based on the missing three years… OF COURSE… as usual… anyway. Hope you like it. READ AND REVIEW

****

Bulma Briefs's Diary

Chapter 7

June

Life with Vegeta

****

3 June

117 lbs. Alcohol units: none. Cigarettes: 43. Calories: 1021

Noon. CC offices: Arrived really early this morning. With my parents at home now, there's no point in my staying there.

Been thinking a lot about Vegeta, about his staying at my house. 

For the first time in my life, I know how it feels to have an annoying brother around. I guess that, sometimes it can be real fun… We keep bugging each other, playing jokes on each other… 

Hehehehe! Last night I decided to have all his clothes washed but for the pair of leather pants and the pink Badman shirt… Hahaha, he was so pissed! He yelled at me for an hour while he was locked in his room… But… he had nothing else to wear for dinner… I waited by his door with the camera in my hands… but couldn't take the picture cause I was shaking with laughter…

Finally, he came out of the bedroom.

- I'm no fucking drag queen

He was right… He's a fucking Drag-Prince.

Aawww… I'm still laughing…

Anyway… When he's tired (when he's finished with his training for the day) we can actually share peaceful moments. 

We watch T.V. as he eats a snack and while I paint my toenails.

I think we've grown accustomed to each other.

I know his routine by heart.

I know the exact time he gets up, when he takes his morning shower. I know when he might be hungry, when he goes to bed.

I've got used to the almost unnoticeable sounds of his waking up. I know that, every morning, he gets up slowly, sits on the edge of the bed and remains still for a while. Then he walks to the chair where he leaves his clothes every night. 

I can even hear him as he puts his clothes on, the unmistakable sound of the fabrics rubbing his skin.

Then he stretches, walks back to the bed and sits again to put his boots on. 

Every morning I stay in bed as I listen carefully to his morning rituals. I get up only after I've heard him coming out of the bathroom, meaning the end of his ritual.

I must confess… I quite enjoy having him around. 

****

5 June

117 lbs. Alcohol units: none. Cigarettes: 11. Calories: 603 (I'm so hungry)

Afternoon. CC. Kitchen: Kami! I'm starving… Just came back from the office. Only had a sandwich… Please… Oh, please… Hope Vegeta hasn't eaten everything…

After Dinner. CC. Kitchen: Just finished washing up. Sent Mum to bed, 'cause, frankly… I'm really fed up with her. Why am I so tired?

Ugh… my head aches.

****

7 June

116 lbs. Alcohol units: none. Cigarettes: none. Calories: 1.070 (mostly chicken-soup). Antibiotics: 457.211. Complaints: 1.673.001 and counting.

Morning. CC. Bedroom: I'm soooo ill! Flu or something… Some kind of virus… 

AAARRRGGG! I hate being sick! MUM! I want some soup! (And please… add some vodka to it…)

Late morning. CC. My room: I'm so bored! I hate staying in bed! There's nothing to do…

Why do people get restless when sick and cannot wait to get to bed when healthy?

I can really be a pain in the ass when I'm ill…

After Lunch. CC. My room: Oh, Mum… Oh…. She decided to keep me company… By having lunch here… In my bedroom… All of them… Here… In my bedroom… Food… Lots of food… here… in my bedroom… Mum… Dad… Vegeta… Here… In my bedroom… Me? Oh well… I'm sick, my head aches, I have a temperature but it's ok… you can sure have a picnic here… IN MY FUCKING BEDROOM!

Late afternoon. CC. My room: Sick of chicken soup. REALLY REALLY SICK OF CHICKEN SOUP…

When is this illness going to leave my fragile, beautiful, darling body? I want to be healthy again…

****

8 June

114 lbs. Alcohol units: none (since I'm totally stoned with antibiotics). Cigarettes: none. Calories: 709. Tablets: 37 (massive attack on virus). Orange juice glasses: 48 (massive assistance for immunity system). Bathroom excursions because of orange juice glasses: 111. Laugher-attacks: 701.

Late night. CC. Bedroom: Day couldn't have begun in a better way (despite illness).

I've passed my virus to VEGETA!

Mwahahahahaha!

Oh yes… I'm going to enjoy this so much!

- I thought Saiyans were too strong to catch diseases!

I said loudly so as Vegeta could hear me from his room.

He didn't answer.

- Maybe human diseases are stronger than Saiyan's immune system! – I said, receiving no answer again.

- Awww… You're angry, Vegeta? Don't get all grumpy… I'm sure you are just pretending to be sick just to get my Mum's attention… - I said mockingly. 

I had just started laughing when a red-faced Vegeta stormed in my room.

- Listen… you… - He said in a nasal tone – You… you… Woman… I can still blast you to oblivion!

He was threatening me with his index finger, but his eyes went suddenly blank. He lowered his hand and stood there… silent.

- Vegeta? Are you all right?

Suddenly, he sneezed. I have never seen someone sneeze so hard. Even the walls shook… I could virtually see every single Saiyan virus particle coming out of his mouth.

- Blessed- I said.

He remained silent, as if in shock. He seemed to be very confused.

- Vegeta?

- What the hell was that?

- You just sneezed- I said, thinking he was playing a joke on me – When you have a cold, you sneeze.

- This is your entire fault, bitch – He said in a flat tone. He seemed very tired all of a sudden. He leaned on a chair for support.

- You should go back to bed – I said.

- Don't order me around – He answered, but not as emphatically as usual.

My mother then came in the room.

- There you are, Vegeta… I thought you had gone training… You should stick to bed and rest, dear – Mum chirped as she laid a tray with cookies and tea on the desk – I brought a pack of cards and some board games so that you can have fun together while you recover.

Once she had left, Vegeta gave me a side-glance.

- Don't count on my hanging around you, woman.

- C'mon Vegeta… I'm sure you are as bored as I am. It might actually be fun…

He humphed.

- Awww… Don't tell me you feel embarrassed… Don't be ashamed because you don't know how to play any of these games… I can teach you… If you want… - I said in a teasing tone.

He remained silent.

- All right… - I said, giving up – Just have some tea and cookies, I won't bother you anymore.

I took the cards and begun playing solitaire. 

He sighted loudly.

- Besides… You wouldn't learn how to play any game… You are not smart enough… - I said softly, trying a little experiment on him.

And it worked. 

Oh, it did…!

Six hours of non-stopping poker and some lessons of chess (decided to give poker up since he burned the cards out of rage 'cause I beat him on several occasions). 

Note to self: Never beat a Saiyan… no matter in what sort of competition… Just don't… They become obsessed… 

****

12 June

112 lbs. Alcohol units: none. Cigarettes: 2. Calories: 1027. Chess games won: 27. Evasive manoeuvres to avoid Vegeta's punches during rage attacks after defeats: 1.368.

Late night: Almost fully recovered from disease. Vegeta is almost recovered as well… 

Just finished our 90th chess game of the day and he just finished destroying the eleventh chess set this week.

Ha! I beat his ass! Arg! He gets so pissed!

Decided to teach him some other game…

But… He'll go back to train tomorrow.

Now… Why did Vegeta spend so much time playing chess with me?

I've come up with several hypotheses: 

He was really really bored and maybe he can't read.

He CAN read, but he has no books.

He was really, really bored.

Chess is a game during which you don't need to talk more than two words.

Taking hypothesis 4 in consideration, by playing chess with me he can keep me silent.

Chess is a game that involves tactical training.

He is just weird.

After serious analyse on the hypotheses presented, decided to choose Hypothesis 7 as an a priori theory to justify his hanging around me for so long.

****

15 June

112 lbs. Alcohol units: 7. Cigarettes: 24. Calories: 1002

Late night. CC. My room: decided to go back to work but take it reaaaaaaaaaally easy. 

****

16 June

111 lbs. Alcohol units: 11. Cigarettes: 19. Calories: 2.172. Phone-calls: 31

Noon. CC offices: Having lunch in my office. Really bored. I do love my job, but sometimes it can be a little too overwhelming. Especially since I'm just recovering from disease.

I wonder what Vegeta is doing.

Late afternoon. CC. Kitchen: Just arrived. I feel sooo tired!

It's amazing how tiring doing almost nothing can be. I mean almost nothing cause all I do is having meetings with the board, checking on the progress of some projects, and approve or reject potential projects. It's not that bad. I'm the President of C.C., which sounds really important. This is a secret: it's not all that important.

I still remember when I was little and my dad did most of the work. We were not rich then. Funny how I remember those years. I was really happy.

Then I came across the Dragon Ball and everything changed for me. 

It all seems so distant now.

When I think of it, I can't help feeling old. I have grown, but I don't think I'm so different from the girl I was when I first met Goku.

He has grown… Oooh… sure he has.

I would have never thought he would be married before me. And that he would be a father before I am a Mum. 

O can't help seeing him as the small child he was. So dumb and naive. Well… He hasn't changed all that much…

But he seems so grown now… Well… I'm not much older than he is…

But… sometimes… I forget who he is, and I just see him as the golden-hearted man he is now. The handsome man he is now. 

Back in Namek, I thought a lot about him… About the chance I with him had lost…

But… despite his good looks… Would I be happy with him? Opposites do attract, and yet… I wish that when I firs met hum I could have seen what he would become…

AAAWWWW… HE'S MARRIED, BULMA! KEEP THAT IN MIND.

The question is not whether I would have made him happy or not… The real question is: Would I have been happy with HIM? Sure… for a while… 

But I'm still looking for something else… something more extraordinary than that…

11.30 p.m. CC. My room: Haven't seen Vegeta in all day… Maybe he's catching up with training. He did lost a lot of time while being sick… I'll just have a bath and go to bed. 

****

18 June

110 lbs. Alcohol units: 7. Cigarettes: 30. Calories: 1.326. Fantasies about handsome well-built men: 27 (av. p/s)

Afternoon: Day-off after a horrid week. Been thinking all day about… MEN! Bulma, Bulma, Bulma… 

I'm truly hopeless… Oh good… I just heard Vegeta coming into the house… I'll ask him if he wants to play chess…

Late afternoon. CC. Kitchen: I beat his ass up! I'm sooooo good at chess! He kept saying I had cheated… NOT A CHANCE! LOSER! He's just so…

Later. CC. My room: I had to stop cause Vegeta was peeping on my writing! THAT CAN BE REALLY DANGEROUS!…

Wait a minute… Does that mean he's interested in what I think? Curious? I'll ask him… Or maybe just tease him…

Late night. CC. My room: That was a bad idea… REAL BAD IDEA. I had to go through one of his "I'm the Prince of All Saiyans… yada yada yada" monologues. 

AAWWW… I just wanted to know if he was interested… I didn't have bad intentions… Ok… Maybe I did…

****

28 June

109 lbs. Alcohol units: 3. Cigarettes: 14. Calories: 4.076 (Yuck! But Mum keeps saying I'm too thin…)

Late night. CC. My room: TERRIBLE DAY!

All day busy at the office… And when I got home Mum was cooking a massive amount of food.

UGH… I had forgotten tomorrow's her birthday… DAMN, DAMN, DAMN.

I hate her birthday parties… It's like an invasion of clones of my mother, crowding the house. Thousands of Mrs. Briefses all over the place, chirping together, singing idiotic songs, bouncing up and down, humming. TOTAL NIGHTMARE!

What's worse… They all look and talk the same way… 

It's going to be Pandemonium.

I'll warn Vegeta as soon as I see him… Maybe…

Anyway, my mother caught me on my way to my room (I was escaping, actually)

- Bulma, darling! Will you help me tomorrow? I want everything to be perfect!

- Uh… I actually… I have work to do… sorry…

- Dear… The party won't be up until late afternoon… You'll have time…

- But… I have to work until late… night…

- Oh, honey… You are head of the corporation. You can do whatever you please…

THOUCHE! NO WAY OUT!

- And I want you to look your best… I'll ask Vegeta to join us…

- Mum… I don't think… Why look my best?

- Oh, silly… He'll be so confused you'll have to help him…

- WHAT?

- I'll tell him to come and dine with us, but I won't be telling him it's my birthday party… I'll make his favourite chocolate cake…

I was totally lost… She kept babbling things I couldn't understand…

- You see… I'm planning to have all his clothes washed so that he will have to wear a suit, which I'll be placing in his closet… (I see now… I am my mother's daughter) When he comes down for dinner and sees all the people, you will be there to talk to him, since he'll be all alone at the party… And then I will have a grandchild!

I blinked… trying to digest her idiotic plan.

- You will both have chocolate cake. Vegeta will look so handsome. And you will look so beautiful! Everything will be just perfect.

My mind kept wandering. 

I don't know why she didn't just come out with it and say, 'Darling, do shag Vegeta over the chocolate cake during my party, won't you? He'll look very handsome.'

Aw… really… Is she was planning to fix me up with Vegeta, why the fuck was she letting me know all about it?

Does she think I'll just say "yes Mum" and do whatever she says?

HAVE TO WARN VEGETA.

Later: Maybe in the morning…

****

29 June

109 lbs. Alcohol units: 23. Cigarettes: 59. Calories: 5091. Negative thoughts: 6.478.001 (av.p/m)

Early morning. CC. Kitchen: Woke up really early to find Vegeta and warn him about tonight's party.

Found him coming out of the bathroom, dressed in his training spandex pants, his skin moist. He looked so handsome! I just wanted to shout 'Shag me, shag me, shaaaagggg meeeee!!!!'

But then I came to my senses… He's Vegeta, for fuck's sake.

- Vegeta!…

- What?… Bitching so early, woman?

- Fuck you…

- You wish…

Arg! I got so mad I decided to "accidentally" forget to warn him about the party.

Noon. CC offices: Poor Vegeta (he he he) He had it coming.

3 p.m.: Took the afternoon off to help Mum. No matter how much I hate her friends… She's still my mother… And I love her… 

…

I REALLY DO!

I do!

Late afternoon. CC. My room: Had a little conversation with dad about Mum's plan to get me fixed up with Vegeta and he promised to keep her busy.

Vegeta got in the kitchen when I was decorating Mum's Birthday Cake.

- Woman… What is this all about?

- Uh… Nothing Vegeta… Just a little celebration… 

- Whatever…

- You're going to have a bath now?

- It's none of your business.

- 'Cause… you see… - I said, trying to fight my conscience- Oh… it's nothing… just come down for dinner after you're finished.

- You don't need to tell me that… - He said, smirking.

He left… Mum had already stolen all of his clothes. 

Revenge is sweet.

Late night (late, late, late night). CC. My room: After these sorts of parties, you need to get your ears a rest.

I did have a good time, though…

Vegeta came down for dinner wearing the elegant suit Mum had left in his closet. He looked really pissed when he came downstairs.

- Woman! – He roared, but then remained silent when he noticed the main room was crowded. He came close to me (looking heavenly… When he's the devil in person… Ironic, isn't it?)

- Woman… who are these people?

- Uh? Hi there, Vegeta… These are Mum's friends – I said sheepishly- it's Mum's Birthday… Didn't you know?

- Where have all my clothes gone? – He said angrily.

- No idea – I said, plainly ignoring him and trying to hold my laughter – Maybe you should ask Mum…

He headed towards the crowd… and then…

- OH! THIS MUST BE YOUNG VEGETA!

- YOUNG HANDSOME VEGETA!

- ISN'T HE A CUTIE?

- OHHH… HE'S SOOO GOOD LOOKING…

- AREN'T YOU A PIECE OF CAKE!

- ARE YOU IN LOVE WITH LITTLE BULMA, DEAREST?

- WHEN IS THE HAPPY WEDDING?

- ARE YOU HUNGRY?

- WANT TO HAVE A DRINK?

About fifty women immediately surrounded Vegeta, pinching his cheeks, grabbing his bum, pulling his collar, pulling his hair… or simply touching him to check he was real.

I could barely see him. He seemed to be covered by the massive amount of pheromones expelled by my Mum's friends… 

I nearly choked with laughter. 

I was planning to save him… After he has suffered enough, of course… 

About half an hour later, I managed to grab Vegeta's hand and pulled him off the pile of women. He was a half-naked mess. 

- Excuse me… he's mine – I said as I came through.

- What in the HELL was THAT? - He said in shock.

- My mum's friends… 

Was that fear in his eyes?

- I was about to warn you about this today… But you just had to be so rude.

He seemed too shocked to complain.

I dragged him across the room and took him to the kitchen.

- We'll be quite safe here…

- What was that? – He said once more.

- Imagine my Mum increased at a milling times… THAT WAS THAT… It happens every year… But this time she just wanted to show you off… And those women are fucking desperate…

- They almost took all of my clothes off… They touched me in places I didn't even know I had in my body… - He said, his eyes fixed on the table.

- Aw… you're overreacting. Now, I'll warn you… My Mum is trying to fix us up, so, be careful. Dad will help us…

- …

- Relax… I told you we'd be safe here… All those woman care about is men and food… all food is out there…

He gave me a desperate look. I went to the fridge in silence. I had reserved some food for him. He looked at me and sighted in relief.

- I guess this cancels my debt- I said.

- Debt?

- I owed you, remember?

- Oh… yes… that cancels your debt… - he said, not really listening to what I was saying but grabbing some fried chicken-wings.

- Want to play chess?

He smirked triumphantly.

- I'll beat your fat ass, woman.

- You wish!

He gave a side-glance towards the door.

- Sure they won't find us here?

I smiled.

- Sure.

He smirked and resumed eating.

We had a peaceful night, and yes… he beat my ass… But didn't make a fuzz about it. It might have something to do with my rescuing him before.

After a couple of hours, Dad came into the kitchen.

- Now or never, kids. They are all watching photographs of dogs…Go to bed now… Or face doom… - And he disappeared.

Once in bed, I heard Vegeta turning off the light.

- Good night, Vegeta – I said loudly.

Several minutes passed by, until…

- 'Night, Bulma.

I just felt so happy.

Author's Note:

I really had lots of difficulties in writing this chapter… 

Initially, it was longer… But I decided the last lines would be a perfect ending.

I haven't even begun to write the next chapter, so I won't be updating soon (busy days…)

Hope you liked this chapter.

Thanks so much for your lovely reviews… You all made me blush!!!!!!

Awwwwww

Well… that's all for now…

Suggestions and comments? REVIEW! 

Thanks sooooo much for taking the time to read my little fanfic… Stay tuned!


	8. July: HUH?

****

Disclaimer: I do not own Dragon Ball, Dragon Ball Z or Dragon Ball GT.

I do not own Bridget Jones's Diary, written by Helen Fielding.

B/V Get together… of course…

Bulma Briefs's Diary

Chapter 8

July 

Huh?

****

5 July

108 lbs. Alcohol units: 2. Cigarettes: 17. Calories: 1066

10.00 p.m. CC. My room: haven't seen Vegeta in days. When I wake up, he's already in the training room. When I come back from the office, he's still in there. When he goes to bed, I'm already fast asleep.

I don't even see him during meals, cause I usually have lunch downtown and dine early.

****

6 July

108 lbs. Alcohol units: 24. Cigarettes: 28. Calories: 7066 (Ugh... Mum, please, STOP FEEDING ME!)

11.00 p.m. CC. My room: Lately I've been thinking a lot about my friends... About Goku and Kuririn mostly. How we became friends and how much I love them... But (and a big BUT here) do they really know me? Do they really know who I am?

I guess they do... They should... I've known them for years... But... Does that mean anything? Time I mean. Does time mean anything at all? Is it possible that a stranger can become a friend in such a short time? Well... Vegeta and I are not friends... We are... We are... we are like... now... what are we?

****

9 July

107 lbs. Alcohol units: 34 (yeahhh!). Cigarettes: 70. Calories: 5123. Panic attacks: 11. Attempts to spy on Vegeta's training: 92 (all failed)

4.00 p.m. CC. Kitchen: Total waste of a day. Nothing to do... Sooo bored I decided to turn to vodka,

Why not being friends with Vegeta? It's not that weird... I mean, the man lives under my roof, I've shared more than half a year with him... He is like... a brother to me... 

A mass-murderer brother... Humph!

HUMPH!

Ugh... too much thinking... need a drink

7 shots of vodka later. CC. My room: me, myself and my bottle of vodka had to run away from the kitchen cause Vegeta went to have a snack. And Kami-knows-why he's been v. interested in my diary.

Oh... My life has never been normal... never ever... ever... ever... 

SO, being friends with Vegeta wouldn't be that abnormal.

The question is has he changed or my knowing him better has improved my opinion on him?

Hummm. Maybe he's more human than I thought

20 shots o'vodka later: reptiles should wear underwear... Yessss... I'm... I'll... UGH

****

10 July

105 lbs. Alcohol units: 47 (drowning sorrows). Cigarettes: 70 (fumigating sorrows). Calories: 7012 (covering sorrows with fat duvet)

Morning. CC. My room: Decided to skip work... Woke up feeling really depressed, don't really know why.

Mum decided to spoil me all day long.

AWWWW

Noon. CC. Kitchen: Maybe depression has to do with bad alimentation... But... I'm lots thinner! I'll get a man in no time!

Night: Tooooootally drunkk... UUUUUgh... Tumbled over...

****

11 July

I'M NEVER EVER DRINKING AGAIN

****

12 July

105 lbs. Alcohol units: 0. Cigarettes: 11. Calories: 403

Noon. CC offices: I'm going to be interviewed in world-wide T.V.! Yess!!!! I'm so happy!!

4.00 p.m. CC Kitchen: OOOOOOHHHHHHH this is so great! I'm going to be interviewed tomorrow!!! In world-wide T.V.!!! MEEE!!!!!

Ok, Bulma, relax... My very first interview!!!!! MUM!!!!

6.00 p.m. CC. My room: Mum's helping me to choose an outfit for tomorrow... I have to look m best.

10.00 p.m. CC. My room: Well... Relax, Bulma, you are your father's daughter. You really must do your best... But it's in me... I know it is...

This is way too important for me to relax! Important to the Corporation! The name Briefs will be set on display!

I'll show the world who I am! I am a beautiful smart woman! I may not have a boyfriend but I can still make it to the top!

Time for beauty sleep.

****

13 July

105 lbs. Alcohol Units: 46. Cigarettes: 112. Calories: 8472. Times I've played and rewind the video of my interview: 1507

Late night. CC. My room: Well... oh... that didn't go so well...

Actually... Well... it was a tragedy.

I arrived early at the offices, dressed as a powerful independent businesswoman. Even my secretary was impressed. 

The woman who was going to interview me phoned and told me the interview would go live from C. Corp. I agreed and phoned Mum to tell her the time of the broadcast and told my Dad to record it.

The reporter -a giraffe dressed in pink who surely fucked her way up on the network- was there right on time to explain how the interview would be and the kind of questions she would be asking me. Everything seemed planned in detail. SEEMED.

Hardly astonishingly, life has always had its ways to surprise me.

The cameras where in place, cameramen were ready, the giraffe was tall, thin and ready...

- Miss Briefs- said the giraffe- Since we will be broadcasting a small documentary on the Capsule Corporation, it would be really classy if I announce you and you go right down the stairs on the main entrance hall, walk strrrrraight to me, and we start the interview right here.

She pointed all places as if she was directing a huge movie...

I agreed happily. It did sound classy.

- Now Miss Briefs... In 30 seconds!

I rushed to my strategically selected position and stood proudly on top of the stairs (merely seven steps). I was ready to make my entrance, right into the spotlight! I rearranged my hair, pinched my cheeks a little bit and waited...

A cameraman waved at me.

- GO, Miss Briefs.

Immediately, the light on the camera turned on. The giraffe turned around and faced the lens, undoubtedly, introducing me.

I was in heaven... As if I was walking through the clouds...

But I was not... Those were not cottony clouds, but hard cold slippery marble.

I did make it to the place the reporter was... Not in an orthodox way, though... I did it sitting on my ass.

I slipped, of course, right on the first step down... My legs wide open to the world... Going downstairs... One shoe decided to flee, flying away, into the infinity.

There are moments where you can actually hear the silence... Weird moments in which life seems to stop somehow. WEIRD MOMENTS...

We were going through one of those moments... The two cameramen, the pink giraffe and me... Miss Bulma Briefs... the woman on the floor... Me...

I stood up with a lot of difficulty, pulled my skirt down, since I had gone all the way up allowing the world to see my Black yellow-dotted panties. 

I tumbled over since I was out of one shoe. I smiled to the camera... Psycho smiled to the camera... Just the idea of it makes me laugh... a woman without a shoe, covered in dust and grass, her hair a mess... Smiling to the camera... 

They all remained silent for a while.

Suddenly, the giraffe grabbed her ear as she went out of trance. 

- Oh... yes... Miss Briefs, I'm afraid... we are out of time... It was... Pleasure to meet you... BACK TO STUDIO ***for Kami's sake, back to studio***

After that I just limped back to my office. 

- Miss Briefs... – Said my secretary.

I didn't answer. I just grabbed my purse and decided to go back home.

I found the house all alone... It seems my family decided to flee.

But... the fact is... I was not in a bad mood... It's no big deal. So far, the world has seen my underwear, not to mention that my private parts were easy to imagine...

Well... There goes my last chance to get a man.

Anyway, the VHS was on the table, no note or anything.

Decided once again to drown, fumigate and bury sorrows.

Turned to eating, smoking and drinking.

Spent the last hours going from total despair to complete resignation... And some happy dances in between (mostly due to high level of alcohol in blood).

****

15 July

110 lbs. Alcohol units: 11. Cigarettes: 25. Calories: 5544 (+ 11 bars of chocolate)

Second day of isolation. Parents not home nor is Vegeta.

Feeling like a Castaway...

Damn

****

16 July

113 lbs. Alcohol units: 5 (had to ration it since I'm running out). Cigarettes: 25 (keep it constant). Calories: 3009

I'm not feeling like going out of the house… People would look at me…

Have to focus and pretend I'm all-alone in an island…

****

17 July

Late late night. CC. My room: My parents came back from a mini mini mini emergency break

Vegeta landed in the yard (not very stylishly, though... The GTroom landed on its side once more… He really has to work on that…)

They had run away from me... Why I can't seem to find it funny… THEY WERE SUPPOSED TO BE HERE FOR SUPPORT… Fucked up people…

****

18 July

115 lbs. Alcohol units: 11. Cigarettes: 25. Calories: 5.021

Terribly mad at my parents… I keep to my room.

Mum just opens the door, shoves my food through the crack and slams it close again… Be afraid, Mum, be very afraid.

I took a look out of the window and saw Vegeta stretching in the backyard.

GTroom must have felt the awful landing yesterday.

Well… I guess I'll have to repair it… I wonder why Dad is not repairing it… 

I'll take a nap.

****

19 July

116 lbs. Alcohol units: 22. Cigarettes: 145 (oh, dear mother of Kami… I wonder… Did Kami ever have a mother?). Calories: 7108 (+ who knows how much popcorn). Rage outbursts: 47 and counting.

Late night. CC. My room: Beautiful day. Dressed really nice and went out of my bedroom to fix the GTroom.

- Good morning, dearest. What will you want for breakfast? – Asked my Mum in a trembling but yet merry voice.

- Are there any eggs?

- Oh, sorry my love… But we ran out… I'll go get some, if you want

- Oh, well… Nevermind… Just coffee – I said smiling and looking at the headlines in the newspaper.

After my so-called breakfast I went to the workshop to get my tools. On my way out I ran into Dad.

- Uh… Hello, darling. How's it going? – He greeted me nervously as he lighted three cigarettes simultaneously.

- Super, Dad – I smiled.

Once by the GTroom I started checking it up. Vegeta walked out of it with a huge amount of wires in his hands.

- What are you doing?- I asked.

He froze when he saw me.

- I… was… fixing your machine…

- It's all right, Vegeta… I can manage.

- Uh… Really, wo… Bulma… I think I can handle it…

- It's fine… I'll do it.

I said getting inside the GTroom to check on the board Vegeta was trying to fix.

After fifteen minutes, I was done with fixing it.

I waved at Vegeta.

- All finished. Call me if you need anything…

- Thanks, woman.

Something took over me right in that moment. I felt the vein on my temple pump. 

- MY…- I hissed- NAME… IS… BULMA… YOU THICKHEADED MONKEY! BULMA! NOT "WOMAN", NOT "YOU BITCH", NOT "EARTHLING GIRL", BULMA!

I kicked the GTroom and stormed back in the house.

Unfortunately for my Mum, she ran into me.

- Oh, honey! How do you like my new earrings?

- I WANTED FUCKING EGGS FOR BREAKFAST, YOU INSENSITIVE WOMAN! AND THOSE EARRINGS MAKE YOU LOOK STOOPID!

I didn't stop there. I was being blinded by rage.

My Dad was watching T.V.

- YOU, CRAZY MAN… - I shouted- YOU… YOU… I HATE YOUR CAT!

After that I just ran upstairs and locked myself in my door to swallow a whole bottle of vodka. That really relaxed me.

After I saw the bottom of the bottle, I went back downstairs and apologised to my sobbing mother and caressed the little black cat on my father's shoulder…

- I'm sorry, little one… It's not your fault… I'm not all that sane, you know? My panties are on TV every half-hour. I'm national laughing stock…

I started crying like mad as my dad patted my shoulder. 

I saw Vegeta's head peeking through the door.

- Vegeta… I'm sorry… I didn't mean to… Well… I did mean it but… Sorry I flipped out like that.

He remained silent.

After a few good hundred apologies to Mum, she decided to prepare about three dozen eggs for me… (Still throwing up…)

Oh, yes… I turned to eating.

But all that didn't stop there. I was very moody all day. Exploding noisily and apologising later.

Totally pathetic.

Oh, good… a chocolate bar.

Decided to watch some movies… four or five romantic movies… Pref. shallow ones…

Mmm… popcorn.

****

21 July

120 lbs. (Oh, Oh, Oh, Kami!!!!!!!!). Alcohol units: 18. Cigarettes: 28. Calories: 5.611 (hardly surprising)

Morning. CC. Kitchen: Oh… I love the kitchen… food is here!

Noon. CC. Kitchen: Haven't been to work since the TV accident. Too ashamed!

Oh, well… Dad said he'd take care of everything… Love DAD!

I'm so fat that I can hardly believe it… DAMN!

****

22 July

121 lbs. (Up up fat goes). Alcohol units: 30 (feel thinner in this state). Cigarettes: 40. Calories: 4907 (no comments…)

9.30 a.m. CC. Kitchen: Just had breakfast. Had a little talk with Mum about weight… (mine)

- You look better like this, dearest. You looked so pale some weeks ago…

Well… I don't really feel any better…

10.00 p.m. CC. My room: Mum and Dad are going away on a mini break. 

Well… at least they had the decency to tell me about it…

****

25 July

125 lbs. Alcohol units: 10. Cigarettes: 33. Calories: 2457

10.00 a.m. CC. Kitchen: Vegeta's been in the GTroom for days.

I just eat.

I'm in this terribly depressed state. I feel so… so… Nothing… I feel terribly lonely…

I miss my parents, I miss Goku, I miss Gohan, I miss Kuririn, I miss Vegeta… I miss Yamucha.

Where are those guys when I need them? They show up when I least expect it but are never around when I really need them…

I'm so unattractive!!! 

****

30 July 

130 lbs. Alcohol units: 40. Cigarettes: 68. Calories: How the Hell am I supposed to know?

Late, late, late, late, oh, so late nigh. CC. My room: Well…

Hummm… well…

Spent all day creeping round the house in the worst state possible. 

O sat on the sofa to watch some TV.

Vegeta came in (had not seen him in days…) He had just had a bath and smelt of soap. He sat next to me.

We spent about an hour in total silence until he said: 

- Why don't you go out? You certainly look like shit…

- I don't feel like going out – A little shocked after his piece of advice. 

- You've been locked in here ever since that day…

- The day I fell on my ass in world-wide TV?

He started shaking in a very suspicious way.

- What? – I asked, afraid that he might be having some sort of stroke…

But… He started to laugh out loud right on my face.

- It was so… (He tried to breathe) funny… You (once more… tried to breathe) I can't believe you… Fell right on you ass… !!!!

He was laughing. It was the first time I ever saw him laughing… Not sarcastically, but genuinely laughing. 

- It's not funny, Vegeta.

He gasped.

- Oh… Yes it is…

- Cut it out. - I said, feeling the tears in my eyes- Stop it!

He did so.

- Don't be such an idiot, it WAS funny.

- Don't you just see I feel terrible about that?

- Oh, don't be so stupid, woman. It was just an accident. It doesn't mean you are a fool… Although I personally…

- Listen, Vegeta- I said, fighting back my tears- I know I am a fool, I don't need TV to prove it! I'm fat, I'm single, I have no life! I AM stupid with or without the stairs…

He stopped smirking. He looked straight into nothingness. 

- Woman, I don't understand why you keep trying to please everyone…

- It's nice to feel that people like you.

- You are so shallow…

- But it does feel good… to know people like you…

- I like you.

I smiled mockingly.

- Despite my terrible cooking, despite the bitching around all day, despite looking like shit, despite my treating you like a child, despite my fat ass…

- Yes… - He interrupted me- I like you very much, just as you are.

I just blinked. I couldn't say anything. I was open-mouthed.

After that, he just stood up and headed upstairs.

A couple of minutes later, I managed to recover control of my body.

Silently, I turned off the TV and came to my room.

He likes me. Not thinner, not with bigger breasts, not shyer… Just as I am.

It's an odd feeling… To be liked by someone you never even tried to please before… Someone who you thought hated everything and everyone.

Now… I'm thinking that… somehow… my Mum's a genius. Maybe she has brainwashed both, Vegeta and me. Maybe she has twisted out minds in such a way that we ended up liking each other…

Wait a minute… Do I like Vegeta?

That was my twisted, brainwashed mind speaking.

Maybe this feeling in my stomach means I like Vegeta…

Maybe my noticing his smell of soap means I like him…

I mean… more than physically… He IS gorgeous; I'm not blind. And yes, I have noticed he is a tough-looking man… Just the kind I always find attractive…

… I know… Maybe he's everything I ever wished for… Well… Maybe not EVERYTHING… he could be a little taller.

He's deadly handsome… Ok… He's deadly… Full stop.

He's a prince… Of a destroyed planet, but still a prince.

OH, Kami, you fucker… I said I wished for Prince CHARMING… CHARMING, for fuck's sake, CHARMING! You forgot the CHARMING part…

He… He… He likes me just as I am.

Author's Note: Hello EVERYONE!

I'm so sorry about the crappy note… But I had to tell you why I wouldn't be updating anytime soon…

My computer is still in the morgue. Thanks everyone for your words of support… I (snif) miss her (snif) so much… My dear Porota (that's my computer's name…)

Well, since I'm visiting my parents I decided to use their computer… My father's actually… My mother doesn't know a thing about computers… So I managed to type this chapter… 

Hope you like it…

Soon you'll be reading chapter nine…THIS IS ONLY THE BEGINNING (I watched The MUMMY two days ago…L )

Uh… sorry if this chapter was a bit messy… But I wanted to have it done soon

Well… Further comments on later chapters…

Hope you liked this one and I hope you noticed I replaced the note… HOPE YOU DOOOO!!!

THANKS SO MUCH

Byeeeeee

Next Chapter:

August: Women are from Venus, Men are from… Vegetasei?


	9. August: Women are from Venus

Disclaimer: I do not own Dragon Ball or any of its characters. I do not own Bridget Jones's Diary.

****

Bulma Briefs's Diary

Chapter 9

August

Women are from Venus. Men are from... Vegetasei?

****

3 August

122 lbs. Alcohol units: none. Cigarettes: 21. Calories: 1077. Thoughts about Vegeta: 47 (av. per/minute approx.)

Noon. C.C offices: Uh... decided to come back to work. Had to stop obsessing 'bout Vegeta. To do so, had to forget my disastrous T.V. debut.

Total waste of a morning, anyway. Spent all morning thinking bout Vegeta and my disastrous T.V. debut.

4 p.m. CC. My room: Ah... took a nice shower.

Vegeta has been locked in his GT room ever since that night we talked.

That makes me so mad! Can't he be mature and face me!?

Now that I think of it... I wonder... What did he mean by saying he likes me?

He likes as a person? As a sister? As a friend?

Hate him.

****

4 August

122 lbs. Alcohol units: 2. Cigarettes: 20. Calories: 705. Thoughts about Vegeta: 67

6 p.m. CC. Kitchen: Mum and Dad returned from their mini-break.

Vegeta's still locked in the GT room.

When Mum asked about him, I blushed immediately (so stupid). Lucky for me she was distracted and didn't notice about my red cheeks. 

Good... Cause she has some sort of mental radar and she notices this stuff...

I'm dealing with this really well... So far...

****

7 August

120 lbs. Alcohol units: 7. Cigarettes: 43. Calories: 2003. Thoughts about Vegeta: 29 (yeah... sure...)

Late night. CC. My room: I'm so stupid. How can he like me the way I am?

I ran into him for the very first time ever since that night and I blushed! All I did was blush!

I didn't say "hello"; I didn't say "Hi"... I just blushed.

He looked at me quizzically but said nothing.

I tried to say something... But I couldn't. Not a sound came out of my mouth.

- WHAT?!- He said, his patience completely gone. 

- Nothing... – I said in a whisper. 

He gave me an annoyed glance and just walked past me.

DAMN! I'm so stupid.

****

8 August

117 lbs. (Absolute miracle or alcohol mirage). Alcohol units: 15. Cigarettes: 62. Calories: 1787.

Late night. CC. My room: Been thinking a lot... A LOT.

Have to pull myself together and stop acting like an idiot in front of Vegeta. Maybe meditation will help.

****

12 August

NERVOUS BREAKDOWN. MAJOR ONE. KEEP SHARP OBJECTS AWAY FROM ME...

MUST HAVE HAPPY THOUGHTS. MUST HAVE HAPPY THOUGHTS... MUST... HAVE... HAPPY...

KILL!

****

14 August

118 lbs. Alcohol units: Never satisfied. Cigarettes: Chimney Stage. Calories: Bread and Water... (Actually, chips and vodka)

Well... Yamucha showed up two days ago as if he had never left. My mother greeted him merrily. My Dad, on the other hand, just gave him a strange grin (actually, one can never tell what's in the mind of my father...)

I don't think Yamucha noticed this anyway.

After the greetings, he turned to me and tried... TRIED to kiss me... HA! No, thank you very much! I'm not falling for that anymore...!!

- What's wrong, Bulma?

I didn't answer. I just looked straight into his eyes giving him my most fearful glance. 

- Oh, don't tell me you're mad at me because of our last conversation

My parents hid themselves behind a couch just waiting for my explosive reaction. 

It didn't come.

- Actually... No – I said keeping my angry face. 

- Then why are you angry?

- What are you doing here, Yamucha?

- I came to visit you, of course...

- You should be training. There's no need for you to visit me while you are training, anyway.

- But you always get so mad when I...

- But I'm not your girlfriend anymore.

- Oh, Bulma... You didn't really mean it

- Would you like some tea, young Yamucha? Maybe some cookies?

- Mum... please... would you leave us alone?

- Coffee then?

- I'd like some lemonade, Mrs. Briefs, if you don't mind

- Shut up, Yamucha

- Is there any chocolate cake left, dear?

- DAD!

- Right... Lemonade, chocolate cake and coffee...

- No, no, no... MUM

-Not coffee then?

- Nothing, not nothing...

- You've got to eat, dearest...

- I'll eat, dad, but not right now...

- You should try the coffee. I have just prepared it...

- Uh... Mrs. Briefs... Cancel the lemonade... I'll go for the coffee

- All right, sweetheart. Bulma... What will it be?

- What is the desert rat doing here? I thought you were done with him...

- Stay out of this, Vegeta... or else...

- Hey, Yamucha... He's fucking right!

- Oh dear... what a language...

- What about that chocolate cake, dear?

- Oh, yes... Vegeta... would you like anything to eat? Coffee? Lemonade?...

- Make it everything, old woman.

- Wonderful! Always such a good appetite!...

- How are the new robots doing, Vegeta?

- Humph!

- Mrs. Briefs... I'll take a bit of chocolate cake with my coffee, please.

- As if I'm leaving any food for you, weakling...

- What makes you...?

- SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! OUT! EVERYBODY OUT... NOT YOU, YAMUCHA! NO COFFEE OR CHOCOLATE CAKE OR LEMONADE, MUM. NOTHING! DAD AND VEGETA, DISCUSS YOUR MATTERS SOMEWHERE ELSE... OUT! I SAID NOT YOU, YAMUCHA!

- You only had to ask us to leave, honey

- Take it easy, dearest... 

- Humph!

After they were all gone I sat down and breathed deeply.

- Yamucha...

- Listen, Bulma... There's no need to do this... You know you and I will end up married anyway... We belong to each other...

- No, Yamucha... Not anymore... I don't even know if we ever belonged to each other... You are a good man... But I am... looking... I need... I deserve... something else... – I shook my head to organise my thoughts- Let me rephrase that... I'm looking for something more extraordinary than this... 

- Bulma...

- Let's do something, ok? Well talk again after everything's over... All this androids thing... But, if I were you I would go on with my life...

- Don't you love me?

I shook my head.

- Sorry, Yamucha, but I don't want to spend the rest of my life waiting for someone who doesn't understand me... for someone who's never here...

- For someone like me...

I nodded.

- Go train, Yamucha. After the battle is over we'll see what's in store for us... But I don't wait for me... I'm sure I'm not what you need.

Yamucha stood up slowly.

- Stay for tea... Mum will be glad to feed you...

We sat in the kitchen. Mum and Dad were staring at us quizzically. Vegeta just stared at Yamucha with a frown. 

After tea, Yamucha left. He'd go train in the desert. 

Later I locked my self in my room.

Mum knocked. 

- Well...?

- Stay out of this, Mum, please...

- I wanted to make sure you were all right.

- Yes, Mum, don't worry. I'm over him.

- Would you like some sandwiches?

- Mum... We just had tea...

- Oh, yes... I forgot... I was so excited! It's been ages since I last witnessed a lovers fight. 

And saying that, she chirped her way out of my room.

Strange woman. 

Well... I have to say I've been virtually single for months now. But this is the first time I FEEL single.

Not bad... Not as bad as I thought it would be...

****

17 August

120 lbs. Alcohol units: 17. Cigarettes: 47. Calories: 2081

Late night. CC. Kitchen: Working late on some blueprints

Later night. CC. Kitchen: Vegeta came into the kitchen just as I was making some coffee. He sat down, his back at me, and took an apple from the counter. He grabbed one of the blueprints and examined it. 

- Blueprints. A new project. Capsules – I explained.

He said nothing and carefully placed the paper right where it had been.

- Coffee?

He nodded.

- How's training going?

He nodded once more.

- Not in a talkative mood, uh?

He turned around at me and grabbed the mug I was offering.

I sat right in front of him and gave him a long look, trying to read his mind.

- Tired.

He grinned.

- I'm never tired.

- Well... At least you spoke – I said smiling. 

He just gave me an odd glance and stood up.

- Night, Vegeta

He waved as he made his way out of the kitchen.

Strange man.

I wonder what's wrong with him. He's even more silent than usual. 

Uff... I hate men. I don't understand men. Machines are so easy to understand... Men?... AARRRGGG...

I know people always say women are hard to understand, but men...

I have this theory. I believe Saiyans are an exaggerated abstract of all men. Al qualities and defects of men are summarised in Saiyans.

Women are simple. We follow certain patterns. But men are so unpredictable.

I mean... Women are predictable cause we tend to think about everything twice (or more than that) so, in the end we end up acting in a way that can be predicted, cause once our character is known, our actions can be predicted...

Men, on the other hand, seem to do things without further trouble. They simply do whatever they feel cause they think it's just the right thing to do (but they do can regret it later...)

The "legend" says that we, women, are more emotional and men are more cerebral. Well... I think it's the other way round. 

We, women, are cold people. We tend to do what is expected from us to do.

Men care less about conventions. 

I don't mean to say women are better than men... But that we, women, have been unfairly accused with being complex creatures, almost impossible to comprehend... well... try dealing with the men I know, suckers!

****

19 August

120 lbs. Alcohol units: 7. Cigarettes: 21. Calories: 1571

Late night. CC. My room: Slowly entering the OTC (Over Thirties Crisis, a sort of late Thirties Crisis). Suddenly, I have to add "OLD" to "FAT" and "SINGLE". That can't be good... I'm already acting like an old spinster, trying to propose theories on women and men that are totally clueless...

I really have to get myself a hobby. 

Birthday is too close.

Aw... My head aches.

****

22 August

124 lbs.(!). Alcohol units: 33. Cigarettes: 33. Calories: 3333. Birthday: 33.

Morning: Is it possible to actually FEEL age? I fell age moving in my loins, running in my veins. OLDNESS in my blood. Disgusting feeling.

Mum woke me up carrying the birthday cake number 1 with her. Oh, good... Gifts!

Late morning: Great gift from Dad... I just wonder what it is... Disadvantages of having a scientist as a father... Oh, it's a motorbike...

Mum gave me... What the Hell is this?... Seems like an ashtray... Oh, yuck...

Later: Having a piece of birthday cake number 2.

After lunch. CC. Kitchen: We just had a large lunch. Vegeta ate cake number 1 and most of cake number 2. Not a single "happy birthday" from him.

4 p.m. CC. My room: Haven't received a single phone-call. Life is sad.

5 p.m. CC. My room: Mum decided to celebrate my birthday with a fancy dinner.

Late night. CC. My room: Dinner was great but felt terribly depressed when I saw all the candles on cake number 3. It seemed to be on fire...

Hate birthdays almost as much as Valentine's Days. 

We were still dining when Yamucha showed up.

- Happy Birthday, Bulma.

I smiled gently and received the bottle of champagne he gave me as a present.

- Thanks...

Awkward silence.

- I thought you were training.

- Yes. I just took some time off.

- If I were you I wouldn't waste my time – said Vegeta as Yamucha sat down – Actually, If I were you I would kill myself.

- Shut up, Vegeta.

- He's right – I said as I offered him some cake – Not the suicide thing (severe glance at Vegeta) I mean, you shouldn't waste your time.

- Bulma! - Said Yamucha a little too loud- I came to give you a present and to wish you a happy birthday...

- The best gift you can give her is her life – Said Vegeta – If you don't train hard enough, those androids might destroy this planet. Though I'll beat them myself it wouldn't kill you to train your weak body... Sad you can't get any intelligence with training since you don't have any brains...

- Vegeta... – Said Yamucha through clenched teeth.

- Cut it out, you two.

- You started it, Bulma.

- I was giving you my opinion... But if you can't deal with it...

- You are not supposed to take his side... He's going to kill us all after the battle; he's even going to kill you!

- That has nothing to do with your lack of training... Don't you dare taking back at me just cause Vegeta's right.

- You are such an idiot, Bulma!

- Shut up, asshole. The woman is right. You are just taking back at her cause you are a weakling and you know you will be dead as soon as you step on the battlefield. Frankly, I'm not planning to save you.

Yamucha wanted to fight Vegeta. I know he did. But he also knew he didn't have a chance to win. He could end up dead. I'm not mad at him. I know he's nervous about the fight. And I know he is weak compared with Vegeta. He's so pathetic. 

Fortunately, after that small verbal spar, the night went by peacefully. 

Then Yamucha said he was leaving.

- You meant what you said before? About my training...

I nodded. 

- You shouldn't waste your time. I don't want you to be killed by the androids. 

- Does that mean...?

- That means I care for you... You are my friend.

- Bye Bulma.

- Bye Yamucha.

- Next time I see you I'll ask you out.

I slammed the door on his face. Thickheaded ass.

****

27 August

125 lbs. Alcohol units: none. Cigarettes: 15. Calories: 1477

9 a.m. CC. My room: Actually feel old, but I won't let that get to me. Mum's sunbathing in the backyard, topless. Kami, I feel so embarrassed. 

10 a.m. CC. My room: HaHAHAHAHAHA! Vegeta just went out of the Gtroom and saw my mother's breasts... HAHAHAHAHAA! He almost fainted!

OH! I almost peed myself out of laughter...

Ooops... He's looking at my window...

Did he just smile?

Aww... Men...

Kami... He's hot.

****

30 August

124 lbs. Alcohol units: 4. Cigarettes: 21. Calories: 2419

At last, this horrible month is almost over... Well... I hate I had to break up with my boyfriend and I hate to think of Vegeta... The asshole...

How dares he? How dare he say what he said and not mention it again? AAARRGGG!

I hate him... really do.

****

31 August

124 lbs. Alcohol units: 13. Cigarettes: 48. Calories: 4021

Late, late, late night. CC. My room: Been daydreaming a lot about Vegeta. Hate to admit it. 

Maybe his words touched me very deeply. 

Hey, who wouldn't be touched if a mass murderer tells you he likes you? Ok, that sounded really sick...

But somehow the thought of that makes me happy... 

I've caught myself smiling alone just thinking about him. This mysterious, violent, so rude man who's living under my roof. 

How could I be such a fool?

How come I haven't noticed?

I love him

Author's note: YEAHHH.. I'm back... Not a glorious comeback since the awful mistakes I made in this chapter but it's a comeback. 

Now, about this chapter: Not really satisfied with Bulma and Yamucha's break-up, but I had to write about it. You know, I can think of a thousand ways to get Bulma and Vegeta together but I can't think of a single way to split Yamucha and Bulma up. 

I had to make Yamucha angry because of the way Bulma takes Vegeta's side cause he's clearly offended when they all get together the day the androids arrive. 

Well... That's all for now... I can't help telling you how embarrassed I am for the spelling and grammatical mistakes in this chapters but I'm just too lazy to look up for everything in the dictionary... hehehe... sorry. I will correct this and re-upload it as soon as the guy who's repairing my dear computer is finished... Aw, he's a dish... but he's a bit incompetent... Who cares? He's lovely!!!

Next Chapter: 

September: Facing the unavoidable


	10. September: Facing the Unavoidable

Disclaimer: I do not own Dragon Ball, Dragon Ball Z or Dragon Ball GT or any of its characters. I do not own Bridget Jones's Diary, written by Helen Fielding 

****

Bulma Briefs's Diary

Chapter 10

September

Facing the Unavoidable

****

1 September

127 lbs. Alcohol units: 21. Cigarettes: 57. Calories: 1041

10.00 p.m. CC. My room: It took me the whole bottle of Vodka to deal with the fact of loving Vegeta. 

I feel dirty! How long has this been going on? How long have I loved him?

It feels natural to love him... V.strange.

Now... the crucial matter... How to act in front of him?

Can't jump on him as I used to do to Yamucha. Can't handle him as I used to handle Yamucha. MMMmmhhh... How to seduce him? Can he be seduced? Does he want to be seduced? Does he feel attracted to women? Does he even like women?

I've seen him naked... I know he's a male...

Maybe I should go to Mum for advice.

****

2 September

127 lbs. Alcohol units: 20. Cigarettes: 57. Calories: 1941

10 a.m.: Bad thing... Asking Mum, I mean... She'll make a mess. Nope... I have to face this alone... Face that I love him...

How long have I loved him?... Well... not sure, but I did like him when he was in outer space.... I was constantly worried about him...

Does that mean I loved him then? How the Hell should I know...? This is way too c0omplicated. 

The worst part is, if he was a normal man, I would know how to make him crawl for me... But then... HE'S NOT A NORMAL MAN...

How long have I loved him? Did I love him when Freezer returned? 

AAAAWWWW... This is too much for me.

****

3 September

126 lbs. Alcohol units: 10. Cigarettes: 47. Calories: 2007

10.00 p.m. CC. My room: How to love Vegeta?... How to live for Vegeta? Impossible. He is impossible. He's an impossible man. 

Do I need a plan to seduce him? Does seduction work on him?

Should I dress sluttishly? Nah... He's seen me dressed sluttishly before and he has never jumped on me...

Should I make him jealous by showing up with other men? Nah... I've showed up with other men in front of him and he hasn't precisely fallen at my feet... Nope...

AAAAWWWWW... There's nothing to do!

Disgusting man...

****

7 September

125 lbs. Alcohol units: 2. Cigarettes: 5. Calories: 1711

Noon. CC offices: AAWWw... Bored. Vegeta has been locked in the GT room. That makes me angry. It seems as if he's been hiding away from me...

Or am I being paranoid? Have I've been acting differently in front of him? Has he noticed I love him? DAMN!

What if he has? What am I going to do?

Nothing... I'm way too lazy to do anything at all...

****

9 September

123 lbs. Alcohol units: 5. Cigarettes: 14. Calories: 1004

10.00 a.m. CC Offices: Ok... After deep thinking I decided to keep things as they are... I can't rush things... I can't become a serial monogamist. I just can't. 

Besides... I don't really believe Vegeta would fall for me. No matter how sexy, beautiful or smart I am... And I'm all of that...

4.30 p.m. CC. My room: I'm sure he won't fall for any of the above...

I've never faced such a problem in my whole life!

Aw... my head aches...

Need alcohol... really bad...

****

12 September

124 lbs. Alcohol units: 1. Cigarettes: 10. Calories: 2847

10.00 p.m. CC. My room: Well... finally saw Vegeta, and we actually shared a little conversation.

- Humph

- Humph

- Food?

- Soon

- Humph

- Humph

Not bad... Uh?

****

15 September

122 lbs. Alcohol units: 17. Cigarettes: 14. Calories: 4017 (yuck level)

Late night: Great day... Fell really good.

Mum and Dad went out for dinner, so it was just Vegeta and I. 

We shared a silent dinner. After washing up I sat on the couch to watch TV.

Vegeta sat next to me. 

- Not going to bed?

- Not yet.

- Coffee?

- No

We remained silent for a while.

- How's training going?

He nodded.

- I bet you are the one who's training the hardest. 

He grinned.

- And I bed the rest are training really hard as well.

- Humph...

- But I think only Goku, Piccolo, Gohan and you will be the ones to get better results.

- Not defending your boyfriend, uh?

- He's not my boyfriend anymore.

He looked at me.

- Well... yeah...- I said blushing slightly; maybe he did care after all.

He nodded once more. 

- He's a weakling... And a coward...

I smiled happily. He stood up.

- Night, Bulma.

- Good night, Vegeta.

Well... I have to say something ... I'm sick of kissing his butt... Sick... I'm sick of trying to please him. 

There's no way to seduce him! There's no way he can want me as something else than a friend.

AWWWWWWW... My head aches... Why did I let this Vegeta thing Have so much influence on me!!!!!!!!!

I'm totally loosing it. 

Shoot... I'm never going to get married. 

****

15 September

AAWW... The day is way too beautiful to spoil it with weighting or counting anything... so...

AAWWW... the sun is shining... The birds are singing... The flowers are blooming... Vegeta is naked in the corridor... Hah... Life is beautiful.

****

16 September

125 lbs. Alcohol units: 12. Cigarettes: 42. Calories: 4031. Negative thoughts: 45 (av. p/s)

Early afternoon. CC. My room: Well... Life was beautiful... Yesterday... Of course...

The day started really well... I was still in a good mood. 

Mum was in the kitchen, cooking, as usual...

Vegeta stormed into the kitchen looking really pissed. I had never noticed that his angry face makes me nervous. 

Anyway...

My mother served his food-

- I have to talk to you woman- He addressed me. 

- Well... Shoot...

- Your Gtroom is just a lot of shit. You repaired it all wrong...

- Could you be more specific?

- It's not working as it should. 

My Mum left the kitchen. 

- Why do you say that?

- It's not like the one Kakarotto took to Namek.

- Nope... It's better...

- No it's not. I still haven't reached it yet...

- Well... You certainly are training harder than he trained...

- There must be something wrong with it... 

- Haven't you even considered that there could be more to it than training at an increased gravity?

- What else could there be?

- Hell should I know?... You are the Saiyan one in here...

- How am I supposed to beat Kakarotto and make my own army depending on your feeble technology?

I kept silent. 

- I'll see what I can do- I managed to say- 

Well...he's still planning to kill us all... I feel a little down, but I must confess I saw it coming.

I'll be an accessory to murder, cause I can't help trying to help him. 

Must have a deep conversation with him. If that's possible. 

****

19 September

Well...

I ran into Vegeta as he was coming out of the bathroom. He said nothing. 

He had reached his door by the time I decided to talk.

- Vegeta

He stopped in his tracks. 

- I've been thinking a lot about what you said to me a while ago...

- What about that?

- I was wondering what you meant by that?

- You're a smart girl... You know what I meant.

- But the other day you said...

- I still have my priorities, despite my feeling for you.

My heart was thumping so hard I could hardly hear anything at all.

- I... wanted... to...

- C'mon, woman, spit it out. I don't have all day.

- I wanted to say... Likewise...

- Likewise?

- I like you too...

- I know. I've known for a while...

Then he got himself in his room.

I'm still smiling... Although I didn't quite got what I wanted... Humph... He's quite a manipulative man... Damn!

I should have talked to him as I had planned... Right to the point. 

Shit... I have to find a way to manipulate him.

****

24 September

125 lbs. Alcohol units: 20. Cigarettes: 50. Calories: 1783. Possible ways to manipulate Vegeta: 0

Late night. CC. My room: It's no use. He can't be manipulated...

****

25 September

125 lbs. Alcohol units: 19. Cigarettes: 60. Calories: 1002

Going through severe PMS

Early morning. CC. My room: Decided to interrupt Vegeta as he was taking a shower... I said it was an accident... Hehehehe... Kami... I'm naughty.

Noon. CC. Kitchen: Aw... Wonderful morning. Had to repair fucking Gtroom, with fucking Vegeta bossing me around, and my fucking mother interrupting me every five minutes just to show me her fifteen fucking new dresses. I hate them...

Late noon. CC. Kitchen: I take that back. I love Vegeta. I love my Mum and most of the dresses she showed me were lovely. 

Early afternoon. CC. Kitchen: My fucking Dad came to ask me if I had seen some new blueprints I was working on last night. How the fuck am I supposed to know where the fucking blueprints are?

Afternoon. CC. Kitchen: I take that back. The blueprints were in my room... All I had to do was take a look. And I love my dad. 

Late night. CC. My room: Major fight with Vegeta. And it was my fault... Well... Actually my hormones fault. 

I was having dinner when he showed up in the kitchen.

He looked really exhausted.

- How's training going?

He nodded, not looking at me.

- Have you reached Super Saiyajin yet?

He shook his head as he grabbed a bottle of water. 

- What would you like to eat?

- Whatever... – He breathed in- Surprise me.

- Any idea?

- Woman... I'm not in the mood to talk right now... Just cook whatever you wish. We'll talk after dinner if that's what you want...

It might not sound like that... But he was being very polite and gentle as he said this. But of course... I'm under heavy influence of PMS. 

- You are not in the talkative mood? When are you in the mood to talk? NEVER!!! NEVER EVER!!!

My blood was boiling by then. I saw it coming and didn't do anything to help it. 

- YOU SAID YOU LIKED ME AND THEN YOU DISSAPEARED FOR WEEKS!!! WEEKS!!!! OH, MAYBE YOU WEREN'T IN THE TALKATIVE MOOD! BUT WHEN ARE YOU??? WE NEVER TALK AT ALL!!!!!

- AND WHAT THE FUCK HAS COME INTO YOU???

- ME???? WHAT THE FUCK HAS COME INTO YOU?!

- EXCUSE ME?

All I know is I was trashing the kitchen by then. Plates flying everywhere. I didn't even speak... All I did was yell. Kami... Hate my hormones.

Eventually, I had to stop in order to breathe. 

- YOU ARE INSANE!!!!

- IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT!!!!!- I said almost on the verge of crying.

- MINE????

- YES, YOURS!!!!!!! YOU'RE AN INSENSITIVE, INHUMAN BASTARD!

- LISTEN, YOU FUCKING WOMAN. I WAS BEING NICE TO YOU!!!!!!!!

- YOU CALL THAT NICE?

- I was being nice to you cause I considered it was the right thin to do after our conversation a couple a days ago... BUT YOU CAN FORGET ABOUT THAT NOW, CAUSE I TAKE BACK WHAT I SAID!!!

- Take what back?

- THAT I LIKED YOU... YOU ARE A NUT CASE!

- YOU CAN'T TAKE THAT BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

- OOOH... YES I DO. I DIDN'T KNOW HOW ANNOYING YOU COULD GET. I THOUGHT YOU WERE THROUGH WITH YOUR PSICHOTIC ATTACTS BUT I WAS WRONG!!!!! YOU ARE INSANE...!!!!!!!

He left the kitchen walking as if chased by the devil. He was mad. I had seen him that mad before, but never that mad at me...

I feel terrible. I feel empty. I have never felt so bad after a fight with Vegeta. And it's my entire fault.

Been locked in my room ever since. 

Later night. CC. My room: Vegeta knocked on my door shortly after I had finished writing the above. 

- All right, woman. Tell me what the fuck is wrong with you- He said standing on my door, his arms folded and not looking at me. 

I blinked in utter confusion. He had come to ask what was wrong with me?

- I'm... I am... a bit... moody today... Because I'm about to... It's because of the... PMS. 

- And what does have to do with me? That PSM thingy...

- PMS... and it has nothing to do with this... you... sorry...

- You're apologising?

I nodded, not really happy at the idea of apologising to Vegeta...

- You see... PMS is...

- I don't care what that is... I just wanted to know if you were mad at me because of something that I had done...

- Well... Not really...

- Right. Now cook dinner.

- Haven't you eaten yet?

He shook his head. 

- Your mother is not here...

- Why didn't you tell me before?

- I didn't know whether I had done something wrong or not...

I smiled. 

- I'll prepare something. 

We were going downstairs when he said...

- I hope that SPM never happens again... 

I smiled nervously... I didn't have the heart to tell him the truth. 

We ate in silence.

As I washed the dishes he stood next to me.

- It's good to see you back to normal.

I smiled.

And then... I did something I would have never thought I'd do... I kissed him... A long, deep, tight-closed- eyed kiss.

- What did that mean?

I blushed. I never thought I would have to explain a kiss...

- I... Uh... I felt like doing that...

I turned around. I didn't want to look at him. 

I couldn't have faced his rejection...

I heard his steps heading out of the kitchen. 

- Woman... Bulma...

I looked at him, his back at me. 

- I liked it. 

After a couple of happy dances I came back to my room.

It was a great day after all.

****

26 September

125 lbs. Alcohol units: none. Cigarettes: 15. Calories: 799

Forced myself to go to work... If I hadn't I would have chased Vegeta all day. I still have my pride to keep...

****

29 September

126 lbs. Alcohol units: 1. Cigarettes: 9. Calories: 2000

Late night. CC. My room: Haven't seen Vegeta ever since that beautiful night. But I'm not mad at him. Cause I know it's whenever he feels as if he has wasted too much time that he locks himself in the Gtroom.

He told my mother to cook for him and leave the food at the door of the ship. He's probably nearly training himself to death in there... Poor thing...

Later night. CC. My room: POOR THING??????????!!!!!

THE DWARF IS LETHAL! Poor thing... WE are the poor things... SLAVED BY A DWARF...

Later, later night. CC. My room: He's not a dwarf. I take that back... In any case... I love the dwarf...

****

30 September

126 lbs. Alcohol units: none. Cigarettes: none. Calories: 1572

Early morning. CC. Kitchen: Well... another month gone... This has been a strange month... It's amazing. Time flies when one is in love... OOOPPPSss... have to dash...

Late night. CC. My room: I'M WALKING THROUGH CLOUDS...

I was having a cup of coffee and watching TV when Vegeta came into the room. He had just taken a bath. (KAMI... THESE ARE MY WEAKEST MOMENTS!!!!!!!!) 

He sat down next to me (was I drooling??) as he drunk water from a bottle.

No sure if it was my imagination or this whole scene really happened in slow motion... Tiny droplets of water coming out from his parting lips, running through his chin and all the way down his neck... His hair wet... The smell of soap...

AM I DROOLING RIGHT NOW?????? SHIT!

- You... (glup!)... look (glup, glup!)... (like heaven...) as if... (as if you were a GOD)... as if... (YOU WERE A GOD!!!!!) as if you were (A GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!) Tired. 

- I'm never...

- Never tired... I know...

He leaned back in the couch and closed his eyes. I stared at him for a while (AM I DROOLING AGAIN?????... ) 

Anyway... I turned around and focused on the TV, not daring to look at him (I know these Saiyan guys are special and I was afraid I would wake him)

I heard a sudden noise coming from his direction and I turned to see what it had been...

And it had been him... Suddenly leaning forward... 

He grabbed my dace and kissed me. 

And this time HE kissed me long, deeply and tight-closed-eyed. 

Of course, it scared the shit out of me at first.

After he had kissed me nearly to death I stared at him blinking, not really knowing why it seemed as if my heart had stopped and my brains were gone...

- Why did you do that? – And of course that was the reason why I said something so stupid. 

He stood up slowly and smiled sarcastically, not really looking at me.

- I felt like doing that... – he sentenced. 

I smiled (a very complex procedure, since I felt as if my body was not connected to my brains and it took me quite a while to figure out how to move my muscles...). 

- I liked it- I said mimicking him.

He turned to me in an angry manner. But then he realised I was kidding. He looked confused at first, evaluating whether he would allow me to joke with him or not. And then...

A smile... And this time I am sure about it. He was smiling.

He turned on his heels and left for his room.

- Good night, Vegeta – I said loudly. 

- Good night, Bulma. 

Ah... life is good... 

FUCK... I'm drooling again...

Author's note: FINALLY... I'm hereeeee... Right when the action begins... right?

First things first. I'm trying hard to follow DBZ and BJ'S Diary... On the other hand I have to fight back the temptation to add certain REAL WORLD stuff, such as movies, books and songs. This is the DBZ universe. At least I try.

Now... About what I think of Bulma and Vegeta. I do think they are in love, deeply in love.

I don't think they ever got married. I tried to avoid any mention of THE BOND (don't really want to use that in this fic)

I certainly don't believe Bulma would ever let Vegeta treat her bad. You might say he keeps treating her bad. Yes... But I believe she really understands him and she knows him really well... Life is good, isn't it?

Anyway. This chapter is over and there's more to come... 

I've reuploaded last chapter completely corrected, so... 

Well... 

See ya!

MisaKats


	11. October: HA!

Disclaimer: I do not own Dragon Ball, Dragon Ball Z or Dragon Ball GT or any of its characters. I do not own Bridget Jones's Diary, written by Helen Fielding 

****

Bulma Briefs's Diary

Chapter 11

October

HA!

****

2 October

125 lbs. Alcohol units: none. Cigarettes: 11. Calories: 2007. Thoughts about Vegeta: 1472 (approx. av. p/s). Positive thoughts: 1472. Negative thoughts: none. Time spent on counting thoughts: 1 min. (v.g.!)

Noon. CC offices: Ah... Life is good. I'm feeling really happy. 

Well... Who wouldn't be? I've managed to tame a beast!

HA! I CAN BE SOOOO POWERFUL!!!!!!!!!!! HAAAAA!!!!

****

3 October

125 lbs. Alcohol units: 2. Cigarettes: 14. Calories: 1981. Thoughts about Vegeta: Oh, thousands...

Early Afternoon. CC. My room: Returned home early from the office. My head aches. 

Vegeta entered the kitchen just as I was having an aspirin... Of course I almost choked, he can be so fucking silent... 

- I need to have the GT room upgraded...

- Right now?

- Can't wait... The sooner the better. We are running out of time.

I was rubbing my temple.

- What's the matter? Won't you complain?

- My head aches too much to complain.

He got closer to me and took my hand off my temple and placed his own hand on the side of my head. I closed my eyes, feeling a little uncomfortable still not used to his touch. His hands were cool and the pain seemed to vanish magically. 

Maybe it was the nervousness that was taking over me that made the pain disappear and not some outer-space powers he had...

I didn't know what to do but stay still, not wanting that moment to end despite the uneasiness I was feeling.

- Is that better? – His voice was his usual, unaffected. I hummed as an answer. 

- Good... Now you can start working on the ship- He said. His touch gone. The feeling gone. The pain back. There was no magic in that...

I grinned angrily.

- Right- I said trying to show I was not happy with his order in disguise. 

- Whenever you want- He said smirking- As long as you want to do it now.

- RIGHT! - I said throwing my arms at my side.

He got closer once more. 

- What? – He said sarcastically- Do you have a problem with that?

- What do you think?

He grinned-

- Good. Things were getting too peaceful round here... 

And he left...

He's such an asshole. I ended up laughing.

Late night. CC. My room: Spent all afternoon in bed, my head was killing me.

But I'm feeling better right now and I'm going to get something to eat. Oops, the door...

****

4 October

Early, early morning. CC. My room: Have to be really quiet. Don't want to wake up Vegeta. YESSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh, shit... He's waking up...

Late morning. CC. My room: OH! OH! YESSSSSSSSSSSS!!

I really have to congratulate myself over this. It's all thanks to my charms, of course. 

Last night just as I was recovering from my headache, Vegeta knocked the door.

He sat on the edge of my bed and would not talk to me for a while.

Tired of this silence, I finally spoke. 

- All right... I'll ask... Why are you here?

- You were here all day

- Yes... Am I not entitled to, your Highness?

- Are you sick?

- My head ached

- I know

- Then why do you ask?

- All day?

- All day what?

- Did-your-head-ached-all-day?

Right. He was loosing his patience. I had to quit playing fool.

- Yes, Vegeta. I decided to stay in bed all day so I can be all right tomorrow, since you want me to upgrade the GT room.

- It can wait.

- You said it couldn't 

- It can if you are not feeling well. Are you feeling well now?

I nodded, not sure if he was being kind or sarcastic...

- Were you worried about me?

He didn't answer; instead he stood up and walked straight to me. He held me with one arm, fist time he touches me like that. And then he kissed me. 

Kami, I was so not ready for this Vegeta that I was shaking. 

- What's wrong? – He asked me, ending the kiss- Are you cold?

- Uh?- I asked stupidly.

- Are you...?

But he couldn't finish cause I started kissing him like mad.

The next thing I know is we were over each other like animals. 

He seemed clumsy at first, but once clothes were gone, it was quite good.

Well... Maybe not all that good.

He's not a great lover. He's either too selfish or too inexperienced. I don't think I'll ever know. 

But I can't care less. I had a great time and it felt absolutely amazing. I wonder if this is how love feels like...

Late night. CC. My room: KAMI... Mum came to me earlier.

- Dearest... Do you know where Vegeta slept last night?

I would, of course, play fool... 

- Didn't he sleep in his room?

- No

- And may I ask how the hell do you know that?

- Well... – She said smiling dreamily- you see... Every night I enter his room very silently and take a glimpse of him as he sleeps... Once a week I take a photograph and...

- MUM!!!!!!!!!! THAT'S SOOOO MUCH MORE THAN CREEPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT...!? ARE YOU... ?! WHAT KIND OF FREAK ARE YOU?????!!!!!!!!!!

- Oh, dearest – She said laughing- When you are my age you'll find different ways to fantasise. Did you know he sleeps naked?

- MOTHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHA...YOU...I CAN'T... 

- Oh, anyway- she said, as I was still in shock- the crucial matter is he didn't sleep in his room. And I'm a little worried cause I haven't seen him in all day...

- He's in the training ship. 

- How can you tell?

- Mum... The lights on the thing are on. Besides, I saw him this morning. He told me he would train all day and I spent half the day repairing some robots he destroyed as if these were the real androids... AAAANd I spent a considerable time trying to increase the G's in that FUCKING machine for him to train harder.

- Oh, well... I was just worried. Now... Would you like some ice cream? You must be tired and hungry. You were up most of the night and working hard all day...

- What are you talking about? – I said trying to sound unaffected. 

- Your lights were on when I went to check on Vegeta...

- Oh... Don't remember...

- Strawberry and Chocolate

- Yes, please

- Strawberries?

- Yes please

- Chocolate syrup?

- Yes please

- Was he a good fuck?

- Yes, plea... MUM!!!!!!!!!!!!!

- Oh, sweetheart. You don't need to play fool on me. We are a small family and we hardly have any secrets- she chirped while se handle me the ice-cream and I was trying to recover movement on the superior part of my body.

Before I could even blink, she was out of the kitchen. 

Of course we can't have any secrets. She probably has hidden cameras all over the house.

What kind of freak is my mother...?

I can't believe it...

Anyway. Don't even want to see Vegeta. I spent all day fixing his fucking machine. 

WHY AM I COMPLAINING? I had sex with him last night!

I should be thankful...

OOOO, Kami... This is it!... GOODBYE SPINSTERHOOD. Wow... Haven't noticed. 

HA, DESTINY! I HAVE CHANGED YOU! HAHAHAHAHA! THAT KID FROM THE FUTURE IS NOT THE ONLY ONE! I TOO CAN CHANGE THE FUTURE!!!

Ahem... A little sanity here, please...

****

9 October

120 lbs. (burning fat with sex). Alcohol units: none (replaced booze with sex). Cigarettes: 15 (all post-coital). Calories: 534 (replaced food with sex).

Late morning. CC. My room: My whole body aches. 

Alright... I have to be fair... He's a God of sex...

It's funny how everything returns to normal once out of the bedroom. 

Ok... He can be a pain in the ass (NOT LITERALLY, OF COURSE) But then he makes it up to me later... HEHEHE...

****

10 October

120 lbs. (still fighting off weight armed with sex). Alcohol units: 3 (needed my daily dose). Cigarettes: 33 (geez... all post-coital). Calories: None (OH... MUST-HAVE-SOMETHING-TO-EAT). Birth control pills: 27 (hmm... just in case)

Early morning. CC. My room: Oh, thanks Kami... He's taking a bath. My parents are out of the house. And Vegeta's in the mood... Oh, he's good...

****

13 October

119 lbs. (Wish I had known that fat disappears while having a boyfriend). Alcohol units: 5. Cigarettes: 14. Calories: 1207

Morning. CC offices: Had to get away from home.

But I miss Vegeta. 

It's all so sudden.

It seems yesterday that I was taking care of him after the explosion of the gravity ship. 

Oh, shit... YAMUCHA!. Totally forgot about him...

Oh well... who knows how long my Vegeta thing will last. 

Maybe if that doesn't work I can go back with Yamucha.

But I don't think so... It would be like... having to drink cheap whine after you've had good vodka... Or like smoking cheap cigarettes after you've smoked the most expensive ones... Or like eating frozen strawberries after you've tried fresh ones... It would be having Yamucha after having Vegeta...

WHAT AM I TALKING ABOUT??? I have just started this thing with Vegeta and I'm already thinking 'bout breaking up???

Breaking up... Yeah... Breaking up what?... What's going on between the two of us?... Is he my boyfriend?

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I can't hold my laughter...

VEGETA... BOYFRIEND!... HAHAHAHAHA...

Oh... I really should get to work.

As if I could.

****

15 October

119 lbs. Alcohol units: 1. Cigarettes: 2. Calories: 971. Pills: 12 (seriously running out) 

Late morning. CC. Kitchen: Had a serious conversation with Vegeta.

I was having a cigarette as he stared at nothingness... Usual...

- What are you thinking about?

- I should be training right now...

I said nothing. I0ve decided not to interfere with his training. Actually, I decided I'd try to help him. 

- Are you getting any stronger?

He side-smiled. 

- Do you think the androids will be stronger than Freezer?

- The kid said so. But I'm stronger than Freezer now... but...

- Not stronger than Goku. 

He nodded slowly. 

- I should go train in space. There are too many restrictions in this planet.

I know he meant that somehow I was interrupting his training. But he said so in such a way that made me understand he wasn't trying to offend me. He was explaining his distance...

- Well... Nothing ties you to this planet...

- Not something. Someone. But I can still improve in here. When the time comes that I consider useless to stay in here, then I'll leave. Not before... It would be a waste of time. 

- Can I ask you something?

He looked at me and nodded.

- Can you let me know when you are leaving this time?

He grinned.

- Don't you like surprises?

- I was fucking worried when you left. I didn't know whether you were dead or alive. 

He stood up and walked straight to the window, where I was having my cigarette. 

- In case you didn't notice, things are different now...

- Don't worry, Bulma. I'll let you know.

He kissed me softly.

- FREEZE!

- WHAT???

All we could see was a flash.

- Lovely, kids!... Oh... Here's something to show to my grandchildren... 

- MUM! OUT!!!!!!!!!

****

21 October

118 lbs. Alcohol units: 3. Cigarettes: 3 Calories: 1215

Noon. CC offices: Feel really sleepy. I really need to get some sleep. 

Fortunately (and unfortunately) Vegeta will sleep in his own room from tomorrow on cause he will be waking up really early... And... Well, that's way too early for me. 

Besides, I can do without sex for a couple of weeks... months... Actually, I can do without sex for considerable amount of years...

****

22 October

Too tired to weight myself. Too tired to pour myself a drink. Too tired to light a cigarette. Too tired to count calories. 

Oh, Kami... He's improved so much...

MUST-HAVE-COFFEE

****

24 October

118 lbs. Alcohol units: 4. Cigarettes: 17. Calories: 1236. Negative thoughts: 214

10.00 p.m. CC. Kitchen: Been haunted all day by gloomy thoughts. "What if...?s" crowd my mind.

I'm pretty sure Vegeta's going to get really strong and defeat the androids... Well... Actually... I'm pretty sure Goku will defeat the androids... But I'm sure Vegeta will increase their chances to defeat those machines. 

I realised I trust Vegeta blindly. That cannot be good. 

****

27 October

119 lbs. Alcohol units: 5. Cigarettes: 10. Calories: 2072

10.00 p.m. CC. My room: I'm officially bored.

****

29 October

118 lbs. Alcohol units: 3. Cigarettes: 4. Calories: 2071

Noon. CC laboratories: Talked to Vegeta yesterday while I was washing up. He asked me about his Saiyan outfit and armour. He asked to analyse the fibres of the fabric and see if there's any chance to make more outfits with similar characteristics. He said those things protect the body very effectively. 

He also asked me to make some armour based on the one he brought from Namek. 

I said I'd see what I could do.

Now that I'm analysing the fibres I know it'll be difficult. But I'll work night and day...

Early afternoon. CC laboratories: Ok... Maybe I'll work all day and sooome nights...

Afternoon. CC. Laboratories: Oh well... Maybe I'll work on them only during the day...

Late afternoon. CC. Laboratories: Or maybe some days a week...

Early night. CC. Laboratories: It can wait.

****

31 October

120 lbs. Alcohol units: 3. Cigarettes: 73. Calories: 2002

Lovely month. Great month. Life is good. At last! No Longer a tragic spinster...

I have the man I love... I'm perfectly happy...

Nothing could ever ruin this.

Well... Maybe some androids....

And maybe Vegeta...

Yeah... ALMOST nothing could ever ruin this. 

Author's note: And yet, another chapter... I did say I would be uploading all remaining chapters after my absence. 

Right... Bout this one little chapter

Ugh... Though decision. I wanted Bulma and Vegeta to take it really easy (meaning: No sex for a while) but then I started calculating days and months and there wasn't time for Trunks to be born if I had written the chapter as I had initially planned. So... There you go...

Messy, but nice.


	12. November: Oh, Kami Sama!

Disclaimer: I do not own Dragon Ball, Dragon Ball Z or Dragon Ball GT or any of its characters. I do not own Bridget Jones's Diary, written by Helen Fielding 

****

Bulma Briefs's Diary

Chapter 12

November

Oh, Kami Sama

****

2 November

122 lbs. Alcohol units: none. Cigarettes: none. Calories: 4222

Late night. CC. My room: Ok... I'm late. Not too late... But late...

But I have to calm down... I've been taking too many pills to expect my body to work properly.

Nothing to panic...

****

7 November

All right... Start panicking. 

No, no, no... Stop panicking... 

I'll check with a professional... TODAY

****

8 November

Ok... Resume panic. I AM PREGNANT

Pregnant... With Vegeta's child... Well... I don't know what to make of this...

****

9 November

Just told Mum. She's now in the middle of her personal celebration. Don't even want to describe it... Grotesque...

There's only one little problem... I still have to tell Vegeta. 

I think I'll wear armour. A helmet at least...

Yes... A helmet.

Maybe I'll just leave a note for him

Late night. CC. My room: There's nothing to fear... Don't think he'll be too mad... Really... 

****

10 November

122 lbs. Alcohol units: none. Cigarettes: none. Calories: 7572 (have to eat for two now... Actually, since the baby has Saiyan genes, I should eat for four...)

Early morning. CC. My room: Spoke to Vegeta last night. It was unavoidable after Mum's unstoppable comments and songs during dinner...

- Dearest!... You've eaten so much! I'm so happy!!!!!!!!!!

- Yeah... Hehehe... 

- I'll help you, you'll see!!! I'm OVERJOYED!!!!!

Vegeta didn't say a word. He was concentrated in eating. 

Once we had finished eating, Mum got started again...

- Oh, dearest! I'll do the washing up! You just rest! Oh... I'm so happy... Aren't you happy, Daddy?

My father just nodded as he gave me an odd glance and almost choked his little cat...

She washed up singing a lullaby and after that, Mum and Dad were gone.

- Coffee? – I asked Vegeta as if nothing happened. 

- I'm not stupid, you know? I'm not like Kakarotto. 

- What do you mean?

- What was that all about?

- Vegeta... – I said sitting next to him, not really knowing where to begin.

I stayed silent for a while. And then an uncomfortable silence covered me as if fog.

- I'm growing old in here.

- I'm pregnant- I said without further introduction. 

And then it was his turn to go silent.

- And I care because...? – He finally said. 

I just stared at him. Trying to articulate a word. My tongue paralysed.

- Bee... Because... You are the father...?

- I am perfectly aware of that.

- Oh...- I said blankly – I thought you'd... I'd... I just wanted you to know...

- Fine.

- Fine

And he left me alone in the kitchen. Clutching my shirt. Speechless. 

And he hasn't talked to me ever since.

But I am not sad.

I know him now. I know he's playing the hard soldier on me. He still has an image to keep. 

BASTARD! NOONE TREATS MY BABY LIKE THAT... 

Oh, mine... Hope she or he does not look after Vegeta. He can have such a scary face... No one would want to be with my baby!

Oh, Kami Sama...

****

11 November

120 lbs. Alcohol units: none. Cigarettes: none. Calories: 4217

Vegeta's been avoiding me. I know it. He's annoyed. That too I know. 

Nor sure but I feel that every time I look at him he's giving me one of his I-HATE-YOU-BITCH stares.

Well... Shit happens. If he's not happy about the baby then the Hell with him. I AM.

I LOVE MY BABY. And it can grow up without a stubborn father. This baby can do without Vegeta.

The question is Can I do without Vegeta?

I HATE HIM!!!

****

17 November

124 lbs. Alcohol units: none (Damn! I would love to have a drink...). Cigarettes: none (Damn! I would love to have a cigarette). Calories: 2972

I hate Vegeta... It's not as if he was so important. I'm sweet. I'm smart. I'm sexy. I'm a fucking dream!... AND I'M FUCKING PREGNANT WITH HIS FUCKING CHILD!

HE CAN'T IGNORE ME LIKE THIS... I WON'T LET HIM!

OOOO... HE'S FUCKING DEAD...

****

18 November

124 lbs. Alcohol units: none. Cigarettes: none. Calories: 3002. Fantastic outburst of rage consequence of hormonal change: 1

10.00 p.m.: Ah... I decided to go and yell at Vegeta. I fell really well.

I went to the ship and turned it off without warning. I don't really know at how many G's he was training, but there was a huge THUMP!.

I kicked the door open and didn't give him time to complain.

- LISTEN YOU, UNDEVELOPED MONKEY! I'M PREGNANT WITH YOUR CHILD. I DON'T GIVE A FUCK WETHER YOU CARE OR NOT, BUT I AM FUCKING PREGNANT. IT'S YOUR FAULT!... YOURS AND YOUR FUCKING SAIYAN, ABNORMAL BIRTH-CONTOL-PILL- PROOF SPERM! YOU ARE NOT TIED TO ME OR TO THE CHILD, BUT YOU WILL HAVE TO START TREATENING ME BETTER CAUSE I'M IN A TENDER MOOD. DO YOU HEAR ME?

I NEED LOVE, ASSHOLE! LOVE AND FUCKING SWEETNESS!!! ONCE INA WHILE YOU WILL HAVE TO TALK TO ME, ASK ME HOW I'M DOING, CAUSE I'M FUCKING TENDER!

Of course, by then I had trashed half the place and Vegeta could not do anything bur stare.

- DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY? NO!!!! SEE YOU LATER!

I didn't want to turn back... I'm sure I was shining...

Later night. CC. My room: Vegeta came in just a while ago. He was wearing THAT face I hate so much. His only scary face to me. 

- Can I talk or will you yell at me?

- No. I'm pretty done with what I had to say.

- Well... I haven't been around much lately cause I am training to defend your planet, if you can recall. I really don't give a damn about your being pregnant. Nothing can be done about that. I didn't want this. I didn't want this sort of tie to your planet. But now I have to face the consequences of my actions. I'm not planning to run away from responsibilities. I never thought of doing so. But you can't change me, simply cause I can't change the way I am nor I want to change. I see that this pregnancy thing will demand a lot of my time. That's the reason why I have to make a better use of it. And, though I consider it's degrading to have to justify my behaviour, I believe you deserve some sort of explanation, since you are intimately related to me now. 

I was about to say something when he made a wave his hand to stop me.

- I know you care about me. That you have feelings for me. And that you trust me. I feel touched by this, I ought to admit. I consider it important for you to know that I answer to those feelings, but there's no way I can be what you expect. 

He was finished. 

- Can I talk now? – He nodded- how long have you been practising your speech?

- Four hours

- Right. Now... There's something you should know. What I said earlier was true. But I should have had a civilised conversation with you. I am under the influence of my hormones...

He was paying attention.

- Sometimes I will say things I don't really mean... I don't want to tie you to me in any way. You are free to do whatever you want. Always been. I know you want to fight the androids and Goku... After that you are free to go to space and create your own evil army or whatever you want to do... 

He nodded.

- You lost 4 hours thinking bout your speech?

- Don't ever remind me of that, woman. I had never taken so much trouble for anyone. I expect you'll appreciate it...

- I do, I do...

And that was it. Once again he left me to my thoughts... 

****

23 November

124 lbs. Alcohol units: none (I will have to catch up after the baby's born). Cigarettes: none (Miss it... but quite happy I quitted). Calories: Not sure because of massive chain-vomiting attack. Names for babies I've come up to: 2001 (av. p/day)

10.00 a.m. CC. My room: I don't FEEL pregnant. I fell old. But not pregnant... Hmmm...

Am I really pregnant?

11.00 a.m. CC. Kitchen: Hummm... I AM pregnant. And hungry.

****

26 November

123 lbs. (one is supposed to gain weight during pregnancy, not to loose weight!). Neither alcohol nor tobacco. Calories: Too complex to explain. 

Vegeta is again sleeping in my room. I don't really want him to move his stuff here cause I don't want to be awoken everyday at the crack or morning. But I'm kinda happy he's decided to sleep here for a while and give me all the fucking sweetness and tenderness I demand...

I'm carrying the child of a mass-murderer on my womb. How shocking can that be?

OH, OH... HOW SHOCKING IT'LL BE TO EVERYONE! I'll be the centre of attention!

HEHEHEHEHE!!!!

****

28 November

125 lbs. Alcohol units: none. Cigarettes: zero. Calories: 3421.

Late night. CC. Kitchen: Even though Vegeta's been sleeping in my room he has hardly said a word. 

Ok... Maybe he's a little shocked. I'd really like to know if he's taken a decision regarding what he's going to do after the androids are defeated.

What if something horrible happens and Vegeta's killed?... OH, KAMI... I'LL BE A SINGLE MUM... Shit... I AM A SINGLE MUM ALREADY!!!!!!

Shit...

****

29 November

125 lbs. Alcohol units: none. Cigarettes: none. Calories: 2994

Early morning. CC. My room: I don't feel pregnant... IT'S AWFUL!!!!!

It's awful to be pregnant and not felling like a pregnant woman...

Kami... Mum's been shopping... Pregnancy clothes... OH... This dress is nice... And it fits a circus inside... Hmm...

Good thing... I won't suffer PMS for a while... 

Am I happy...? ... About this baby I mean... Am I happy?

If I felt pregnant I would be... WOULDN'T I????

The only sign of pregnancy are the industrial amounts of vomit I produce every morning. 

And of course... some outburst of hormones.

Awww... My baby needs a father... And I need Vegeta... Is that too much to ask? It's a simple equation. 

Bulma + Vegeta = Baby, then Vegeta= father

Now... How crooked can a baby grow old if raised by Vegeta?... Spooky...

Shit... I'll have to take care of his education... Don't think Vegeta will pay any attention to the baby... That's if he's still around...

****

30 November

125 lbs. Alcohol units: none. Cigarettes: none. Calories: 4702

3.00 p.m. CC. Kitchen: Mum has told all her girlfriends about my pregnancy. I managed to tell her not to say a word about it if Yamucha or any of the others show up.

I wonder what they are all up to... 

YESSS... I'm pregnant...

And I'm actually happy... I FEEL pregnant... I'll be a MUM.

HELLO, BABY! I'm your mommy...

HA! I'M PREGNANT...!

Author's note: Thanks God I wrote all my notes in class... (That kinda explains the disastrous results in my exams... KIDDING... They were just fine!)

Well... The hard part. For all of you against Birth-control pills, I'm sorry but I had this planned for a while. Plus, I don't think Vegeta would like to use condoms...

Once again, as happened to me in October, I wasn't planning Trunks to be conceived this year, but then... Time wouldn't fit. 

I must confess it's the first time I notice how fast Bulma and Vegeta got together... Oh, well... I wanted trunks to be conceived later and make romance longer... But... Sometimes you have to do what you have to do. 

I wanted to add something. As far as we know, Vegeta could be a real jerk at home... A goofy man... For those of you who have seen DBGT, when Vegeta shaves and walks around the house playing cool... Well... that's an example.

But I can't help it... In this fic he's tough, bad and sexy. Just as I like my men... (HAHAHAHAA! As if I had more than one... Snif... As if I had at least one...)

THAT's ENOUGH...

See ya!


	13. December: Good Intentions

Disclaimer: I do not own Dragon Ball, Dragon Ball Z or Dragon Ball GT or any of its characters. I do not own Bridget Jones's Diary, written by Helen Fielding 

****

Bulma Briefs's Diary

Chapter 13

December

Good Intentions

****

1 December

125 lbs. Nausea: All morning. Waist inches: Same as usual. Crying attacks: 15 (and counting)

Oh, Kami... I'm a single mum! I'm so pregnant! And the father of my child is an ice-cube.

Why, O why am I so miserable?

Later: Why, O, why am I so dramatic?

It's not as if it was the end of the world!

Later: Oh, Kami! It's the end of the world!

Ha! Just kidding.

****

2 December

125 lbs. Nausea: All day. Calories: Decided to stop counting since I keep throwing up.

Noon. CC offices: Made an appointment with the doctor to check on unexpected pregnancy.

I feel less depressed than yesterday...

Mum keeps trying to feed me... And I can't refuse, since I've cut on smoking and I feel anxious all day... So, when I don't feel nauseated, I eat...

Oh, happy life!

All sorrows I used to fumigate with cigarettes and drown in alcohol must be now covered in fat duvet only.

That's not so bad. I'll star worrying about weight right after the baby's born. After that I'll diet forever.

I'm beginning to suspect my secretary thinks I'm pregnant... And right she is...

She keeps asking me whether O fell well or hungry...

Maybe I'm just being paranoid. Maybe she's just being kind to me 'cause I was in a bad mood this morning and I kicked the board out of the meeting room... I mean LITERALLY kicked them out... Oh, they were bugging me (YET AGAIN??!!!) about my long and usual absences...

Oh... Don't these guys understand? How thick can they get? I HAVE A LIFE OUTSIDE CAPSULE CORPORATION!

I have such a life that I'm pregnant!

And now, the question I'm afraid to ask myself.

Is my baby Human? Oh, Kami... What if my baby inherits its father's tail? How am I supposed to keep a tail from doctors?... Impossible... Note to self: Thin of possible explanations for doctors.

And then... What if the baby looks after its father? What if it's character is similar to Vegeta's? 

My baby will be perfect. With or without a tail...

1.45 p.m. CC offices: Better without

2.00 p.m. CC offices: Oh Kami! Don't let my baby have a tail.

10.00 p.m. CC. My room: Vegeta's sleeping in his own room... I fell kinda sad.

10.01 p.m. CC. My room: I'M SOOOOO SAAADDDDDDDD! BWAAAAAAAAHHH!

10.02 p.m. CC. My room: ICE CREAM!!!!!

****

3 December

125 lbs. Alcohol units: none. Cigarettes: none. Calories: 6715 (How much can a human being eat?)

Early morning: Well... I'm so bored. I think I'll go shopping. I have to get some clothes... Have to prepare myself for the moment I look like a balloon. 

Somehow I'm not depressed when I think of my body looking like a giant ball...

My baby will be strong and beautiful.

If it's a boy, he'll be strong and damn smart. And deadly handsome too.

If it's a girl she'll be damn smart and deadly beautiful... Just like me... And she'll know how to manipulate all men she meets... Unlike myself... AAWW... so cute!!!

And if it's a Saiyan, I'll keep it on a cage and feed it through a hosepipe... HA! Just kidding...

9.00 p.m. CC. Kitchen: Mum spent all day with me. We went shopping. Bought a couple of baby seats for my vehicles and a pram. I feel so tender right now...

****

4 December

126 lbs. Calories: All you can get!!!

I really should start thinking about decorating a room for the baby. Surely Mum would love to take care of that. I wonder where she is... She's been acting so weird lately... Well... Even more than before...

****

5 December

127 lbs. Calories: 4211

Mum's more than willing to take care of the baby's room. Actually, she spent 2 hours telling me how happy she was about becoming a grandmother and how thankful she is to Vegeta for making her long cherished dream come true. 

She's now performing a strange ritual right in front of the Gravity room. 

Have never seen anything so funny!...

HA! There's Vegeta! HAHAHAHAHAA! He's just staring! HA! He's looking at me! Oh, the man looks desperate! HAHAHAHA! Oops... he's coming this way...

Later:

- Woman... What the hell is your mother doing?

- I think she's happy!

- And must she be happy in front of the ship?

- If I've fully understood her ritual, she's worshipping you...

- Ah... At last someone understands how important I am to this planet...

- Wrong. She's worshipping you as a fecundity God. She's thankful you've granted her a grandchild.

- I see... When will she stop? I can't concentrate with her fecundity chants...

- Oh... When the baby's born. But I believe she'll have to stop from time to time... She has to eat and go to the bathroom... And maybe to catch her breath, though I'm not quite sure...

- WHAT????

- Relax- I said smiling- I'm kidding. I'll tell her to stop...

He left with a Humph!...

- In about two or three hours...

- I HEARD THAT!

HAHAHAHAHA!

4 hours later: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAAAAHAHAHAA! She's still singing!... HAHAHA!

****

5 December

127 lbs. Alcohol units: none. Cigarettes: none. Calories: 3411

7.30 p.m. CC. My room: Had a little row with Vegeta last night. He came to my room eager to perform the dirty dance.

Well... I don't know why but I don't feel like having sex... Let me rephrase that... I didn't feel like having sex last night.

So, of course, we started yelling... And then...

Mum showed up and told us it was perfectly normal for me to not feel like having sex... She added some colourful notes as "... your Dad had to masturbate for 4 straight months..." and "... Chasing me around the house, naked, begging for it..."

Of course... I don't need to explain what sort of moment that was... It certainly stopped our argument... Actually, Vegeta and I became speechless for the longest time in history. After that, Vegeta left the room still in shock. 

I became a little suspicious and started searching my room for hidden cameras and microphones. Found 5... just in the closet...

Kami... my mother is a voyeur.

I feel quite bad about rejecting Vegeta. I should talk to him... In a private Camera-and-mic-free space... Not in this house...

Does my mother even sleep? Maybe she stays up all night spying on Vegeta and me...

5.00 p.m. CC. Kitchen: There were 11 cameras in the bathroom!!!!!

****

6 December

128 lbs. Calories: Fabulous amounts of chips...

I feel down...

Been thinking a lot about my childhood... About how bad I wanted to be just as I am right now... And yet... It's not enough... Now I know it's not enough for me...

Deep... Deeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep inside me, I really want to be an ordinary housewife. My profession will never allow me to be so... And I don't mean a housewife in the manner of Chi Chi, obsessed all the time about his child and food... I mean... Just stay home, play with the children, cook and... well... not clean... I hate cleaning...

I always wished to find a prince. A handsome, tough-looking man... And now that I have found him, I'd really like to keep him...

He's not mine... I know...

He belong to the universe... Funny, considering that maybe the Universe will one day belong to him. 

Kami... Was it too much to ask? I want a family. No to be slaved by a domineering husband, whose love can be measured by the loudness of his belch or the amount of food he eats.

A family with Vegeta...

I don't want an absent-fathered-child, and insane mother, a strange father and a boyfriend just too busy dominating distant planets to pay any attention to me. 

I could do with the insane mother and the strange father. I've handled that very well all my life...

But I do want a husband and a spoilt child... I really want that...

I wonder where my Mum is... Really need to talk to somebody.

****

7 December

128 lbs. 

Didn't find Mum... But I found her headquarters...

In the furthest corner of the house, there is a small room we used for storing old capsules. I found something soooo spooky I'm still recovering. 

The capsules were gone... All I found were tiny little TV screens attached to the walls... Thousands of them... Every corner of the house... Every movement... Every moment of our lives monitored...

Why is she doing this? Why has she lost her mind? How long has she been doing this...?

****

8 December

128 lbs. 

Talked to Mum really seriously.

She was peacefully sat on the kitchen, watching the coffee maker in action. One of her little pleasures in life...

- Mum...

- Yes dear? - She chirped. 

- I know... I know everything... About the cams and the mics...

- Oh, Honey!!

- WHY???!!!!!!! WHY ARE YOU DOING SUCH A THING???!!!!!

- Oh, sweetie...

- EXPLANATIONS... NOW!!!!!!!

- You see...- she started merrily- You were not supposed to see that...

- I WONDER WHY...

- It was supposed to be a surprise for you and the baby...

- Surprise?

- Yes... You see... When Vegeta decided to stay here I had started planning to take snapshots of him while he slept. To do that, I had to take them from outside, through the window, hanging from the roof with a safety harness...

- MUM!!!!!

- But then I came up with the idea of redecorating a room for him and put cameras on every piece of furniture... Eventually I realised that if I got in his room while he slept, he wouldn't be awoken anyway...

I was shocked...

- And the we had to have your room repaired and I knew there was something between the two of you and I put cameras on your room too...

- YOU'VE BEEN SPYING ON US EVER SINCE????

- Spying... Watching over you... Call it as you please...

- WHY??????

- At first it was just for fun... But when you two started to you know what, I knew I would become a grandmother sooner or later, so I started working on a surprise... I was planning to make a film of the two of you to show to my grandchildren.

- WHY?????- This was all I could say... I was... Shocked...

- Well... you told us that in that kid's future, Vegeta was dead and I was sure you would have liked some souvenir from him. I know how important friends are to you. And I'm making a photo album...

- And why did you start spying on Vegeta?

- Oh... he's sooo handsome!

- MUM... this is abnormal... It has to stop... It's not sane... Please... I'm begging you to stop. Do it for me... I know you have good intentions, but I can't believe how crazy your good intentions can be...

- I'll stop, honey... If that's what you want... Anyway... I have enough material already...

- NO, MUM... No... If Vegeta finds out he'll go berserk... All cams and mics have to go...

- Oh, Honey... Not the ones in Vegeta's room!!

- ALL of them... Each and every one. 

She stayed silent for a moment...

- All right... I'll do it for you.

- Fine... Thanks... I guess...

And I was leaving when the most disgusting idea crossed my mind. 

- Mum? Did you tape us while we were...?

- Of course not, honey... I stopped after the clothes were off...

- MUM!!!! DID YOU SEE US???

- No dearest, of course not... I had things to do... Besides I know everything would be just fine. I just enjoy romance, I'm not a pervert... – She chirped. 

I wonder how thin the line that divides a person that enjoys romance from sick voyeurism is...

****

9 December

129 lbs. 

After removing all cams and mics (took Mum and me 5 hours and a half). We both sat down exhausted.

She looked unhappy but satisfied. 

- So, tell me sweetheart... How are you feeling?

- Fine, Mum...

- Really, sweetie...

- Well... I feel really happy about the baby, but...

- But?

- But... I don't know... I guess... I want him to be a different man... I want him to be kind and gentle. I want him to care... I want him to...

- Honey... If Vegeta was a different man, you wouldn't have fallen in love with him...

Now... I know it may sound stupid... But for me it was enlightening. I was simply in love with Vegeta.

I started to cry as my mother comforted me. 

But now I know I love him. And that every decision he takes, I will accept... I've reached a part of him that no one had ever reached. I know I'm important to him and I understand he has priorities. So I will respect his decision. And I know he'll leave this planet after the androids are defeated. But I'll keep a part of his heart and of his soul... And if my child looks after him I'll also keep a part of his character. 

This all sounds sad... But I'm not sad... Quite the contrary... I feel satisfied with my life. Something I had never felt before... 

Good feeling. 

****

12 December

129 lbs. 

4.00 p.m. CC. Kitchen: Been shopping!!! Baby clothes!!! I bought the funniest hat for my baby!...

Aw... Christmas's all over the city. People shopping, children asking for presents... None of them know about the danger approaching. But I'm no longer worried about dying... I'm sure Vegeta will defeat those androids... Vegeta and Goku fighting in the same team... Oooo... Spooky...

****

13 December

130 lbs. Shopping bags: 37

3.00 p.m. CC. My room: I became suddenly suspicious and started searching my room for cameras like mad... Found none. 

10.00 p.m. CC. My room: Vegeta came to my room just as I was looking at the final analysis of the fibres on the Saiyan outfits.

- Woman

- Hmm?

- What the hell is wrong with you?

- What? Nothing's wrong with me? What the hell is wrong with you?

- Nothing... I know... I was bored. You haven't been bitching me around much lately.

- I take it you miss me...

He gave me one of THOSE stares.

- Sorry about the other day.

- What?

- About rejecting you. Well... It was not you... but sex... I was not feeling well... this pregnancy thing is new to me.

- Your mother certainly made me hate sex too that day...

- I know I haven't been... Understanding to you, Vegeta.

He gave me a quizzical look.

- I yelled at you... I've been yelling at you for a long time... About nothing...

- Is this some sort of apology?

- Not about bitching you around... That I do for fun... I'm talking about not respecting your priorities. About defeating Goku, and leaving Earth to make your own army...

He was listening carefully.

- I guess what I'm trying to say is that whatever you do after the battle, I'll respect your decision. I'll raise our child alone, if you decide to leave and I'll respect that...

He nodded slowly.

- Why are you telling this to me right now?

- I don't want you to feel bound to stay here. That you can go on with what you were planning to do.

- It's not like I need your permission...

- ASSHOLE! You just don't get it, don't you? I'm opening my heart to you and you are just being a jerk! – I stopped in order to calm myself – I know you don0t need my permission. I was telling this to you in case you cared about what I think or feel... About me... 

- Bulma... Are you stupid?

ASSHOLE...

- Why do you say that???

- I thought you knew me better that that...

- WHAT?

- Nothing... I appreciate your concern. That's all... I'll go back to train now.

Well... I don't know what to make of that conversation.

****

19 December

130 lbs. Shopping bags: 42 (v.b.!)

Late night. CC. My room: I wonder what Mum will give us all for Christmas. She hasn't ever asked me what I wanted. That kinda scares me.

Later: Not KINDA... IT DOES SCARE ME

****

24 December

130 lbs. 

Late night. CC. My room: AW... Been so busy I hardly had time to write. Everything in the office has been messy.

After the analysis of the Saiyan outfits all scientists were excited, and asked me a thousand questions about the precedence of the fabrics.

Guess I'll have to do this myself.

On the other hand, I had a meeting with the board to tell everybody I'll be gone from the Corporation for a while because of my pregnancy and that my father would take my place for some time. 

It was a bit of a shock to everybody, but...

OH, SHIT! YAMUCHA... I completely forgot...

Shit happens...

I wonder what everybody else is doing...

I wonder if Chichi has already hit rock bottom... Be good Bulma... BE GOOD... for your baby's sake.

****

27 December

136 (!!!!!!!!!) lbs. (HOLY SHIT!!!!!). But can still go on eating. Calories (so far): 2427

4.00 p.m. CC. Kitchen: We had a wonderful time during Christmas. We ate and laugh a lot... 

Mum got Dad 242 lovely many coloured lab coats. She got an enormous amount of baby clothes and toys for me (and the baby, of course). I started crying...

But she did her best effort with Vegeta's gifts. She gave him a whole wardrobe, since he has hardly any clothes. Well... he now has thousands...

And she gave him 50 boxes of condoms... FAULY condoms...

- Use these- She said... There were small holes on every box, as if they had been pinned...

I guess she wants more grandchildren... 

Of course, Vegeta didn't get the idea and just looked at the boxed with a frown.

Lovely day.

****

31 December (actually, later than midnight)

136 lbs. (not good). Alcohol units: none. Cigarettes: none. Calories: 4221. Negative thoughts: none. Positive thoughts: 3421 (approx. based on av. per minute). Attempts to kill Vegeta: none.

Late late night. CC. My room: Celebrated New Year looking at fireworks. Lovely night. We ate as much as we could and everybody has just water to help me go through the celebration without vacuuming every champagne bottle I could find (like every previous New Year's Celebrations) 

I went to bed soon after dinner, not really tired but anxious to get out of my shoes. My feet were killing me.

Somebody knocked on the door. It was Vegeta.

He closed the door without taking his eyes off me.

- Are you all right?

- Sure – I said as I kicked off my shoes and massaged my feet – Why you ask?

- You came to bed early... It's not even midnight yet.

- I know... But my feet were killing me.

- Better?

I smiled closing my eyes. 

- Love being barefoot.

- You haven't been throwing up so much lately.

- Nope... It's a relief... I hate to vomit. It's disgusting.

- You look different.

- Different? Maybe it has to do with the make up...

I said looking myself in the mirror.

- No

- Oh... Maybe the hair then...

- No... It's nothing like that. It's you that look different.

- Bad or good? – I asked as I took off my dress and slipped into my pyjamas.

- Good. You look beautiful.

I stopped doing what I was doing and sat down, suddenly my legs seemed unable to support my body. 

- Thank you – I said shyly.

- The other day, when I asked you if you were stupid I did mean something.

- That I am stupid? – I frowned.

- No. How can you doubt me? Despite my priorities, I care about what you think and feel. And I care about you-

By then my heart was beating so bad I feared it might rip my pyjama top and drop to the floor. 

Finally, I found my voice. 

- I care about you too. That's why I told you that whatever decision you take, I'll respect it.

He remained silent for a while. 

- You asked me to tell you when I'm leaving to train in outer space.

I nodded. 

- After the child is born I'll leave. Not before. 

- Thanks. That's important to me. 

- I know... And about the battle with the androids... 

- Yes?

- By then I will have surpassed Kakarotto. I will defeat him. I'll be the strongest man in the universe...

I nodded once again with a serious face. 

- After that...

- You'll leave and make your own army...

And this time he shook his head. 

- I think I'll stay around for a while.

This surprised me so much I started to sob silently, but quickly stopped. 

He looked at me long and meaningfully.

And then he got closer and kissed me. 

Somewhere in the distance bells were chiming, announcing the arrival of a New Year. 

And in my head I could hear bells too. 

- Happy New Year, Vegeta.

He kissed me once again.

He's downstairs right now. Looking for chocolate since I want to have some really bad. 

And now I'm so happy... I do love Vegeta, all his ups and downs. All of him, his unpredictability, his obsessions, his silences. 

And I know him now. I know him very well.

So well that I know that "for a while" meant "forever"

Author's note: Well... That's it... Don't forget to check out the Epilogue...

About this chapter.

I wrote this one while watching "The pelican brief" which is the second movie I can stand starring Julia Roberts (the other one is Mary Reilly). I was trying hard to get ideas for this chapter and fill it in since it would have been really short if I hadn't add all the Insane Mrs. Briefs thingy. I actually wrote it completely and later I realised that her headquarters idea was similar to Sliver (that movie with Sharon Stone) but less sick... that movie is disgusting... But actually, in the Pelican Brief you can see a room that tapes all movements of the president... But I had already written this chapter before watching that part... so... My mind works on mysterious ways... 

And yes... I case you didn't notice... I'm a big fan of movies, all kinds of movies...

Check out the Epilogue!!!


	14. Epilogue

Disclaimer: I do not own Dragon Ball, Dragon Ball Z or Dragon Ball GT or any of its characters. I do not own Bridget Jones's Diary, written by Helen Fielding 

E**pilogue**

January – December

A summary

Alcohol units: 892

Cigarettes: 3038 (does that sound sick!? I had to stop because of pregnancy...)

Calories: 257.607 (incomplete... but still repulsive)

Weight gained: HAHAHAAAH!

Weight lost: Ho ho ho!

Valentines: 1

Christmas cards: 3

Hangover-free days: 250 days (really v.g.!)

Unexpected pregnancies: 1

Boyfriends: 2

Mature relationships: none

Nice boyfriends: none

Boyfriends I love: 1

Numbers of New Year's resolutions kept: 3

I changed my hairstyle

I helped Vegeta

And I got myself a life.

It was a great year...

Author's note: Well... It's over... That's it... Hope you have enjoyed reading it just as I enjoyed writing it. It's not the complete 3 years, but it's quite a story... 

Well... Kept my promise about uploading all chapters at once...

To all of you THANKS SO MUCH!!!!!!!!! I can't tell you how much I appreciate your support and your lovely reviews... I really can't explain how thankful I am... Thank you.

Well... I do have some drawings for this fanfic but I don't own a site yet... I'm still working on it...

Well... It's hard to say goodbye, so I'll just say JA NE! 

Misa Kats

(Want to email me? theseventhcoin@hotmail.com)


	15. Bulma Briefs's Diary A sequel

Hello Everyone!!!!  
  
It's been ages!!!!  
  
YEAHHH  
  
This is a crappy note to tell you that I'll be soon starting to write a sequel to Bulma Briefs's Diary  
  
It'll be about Bulma's pregnancy and the pre-battle with the androids...   
  
I'll wait a little bit to actually get Bridget Jones's Diary-The Edge of reason, so it might take a while.  
  
So... You are all in time to make suggestions, comments, etc.  
  
I'm really looking forward to this!  
  
LOVE!!! PEACE!!!  
  
BYEEE... and SEE YOU SOON!!!!!  
  
MisaKats 


	16. Still a note But it contains a preview

HEY THERE!!!!  
  
I know you are all waiting for the sequel... Well, let me tell you, I'm still in the process of pre-writing.   
  
I've always said that a sequel must be a good one or there shouldn't be any sequel at all... So...   
  
I'm still planning what I'm going to write about  
  
For all of you who can't wait, I'll give you a small preview, so, if you want it to be a surprise, don't read any futher.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Bulma Briefs's Diary 2  
  
Still working on the title.   
  
So far, this will be it  
  
Bulma Briefs's Diary, The edge of patience.  
  
Trunks will already be born, but Bulma will tell everything that has happened after the first part ended.  
  
We will read about the battle with the androids and what comes after that. The main reason I'm taking the story in this particular time is, Vegeta would have been absent for most of Trunks after-birth months, and since I absolutely adore Vegeta, I need him to be vital part of the story.  
  
Mr. and Mrs. Briefs will be around a lot, so... Lots of fun is coming ahead.  
  
I'm expecting to have some decent amounts of chapters already written by the time I start uploading, because I don't want to keep you waiting for endless months for new chapters...  
  
Well... That's all I have to say  
  
Keep in touch! The sequel is coming!  
  
And I will answer all of your lovely reviews propperly in the fic.  
  
I can't tell you how happy and thankful I am  
  
You are all great!!!!  
  
LOVE  
  
XXX  
  
MisaKats  
  
Wanna e-mail me? Wanna see some of my drawings?   
  
misa_kats@hotmail.com 


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